The Sick Chirpse 2014 World Cup Guide: Groups E-H

Group F

Argentina

Manager: Alejandro Sabella
Key man: Lionel Messi

The only thing from Argentina more deadly than an attack consisting of Aguero and Messi is Maradona’s diet of double-cheeseburgers and sniff. The team is under investigation for their Fawklands protest in a pre-tournament friendly, an ethical organisation like FIFA feeling well within their rights to take the moral high ground.

Annoyingly, the draw couldn’t have been much kinder to Argentina. ‘Shooting fish in a barrel’ was the immediate thought little Leo had when he saw it.

Bosnia & Herzegovina

Manager: Safet SuÅ¡iÄ‡
Key man: Miralem PjaniÄ‡

The young nation of Bosnia & Herzegovina are pretty stoked to be here at their very first World Cup. Others are less amused : ‘We feel it unfair that two countries are allowed to occupy one slot’, a confused Sepp Blatter quipped as he searched for his daily prescription.

Playmaker Miralem PjaniÄ‡ will be hoping to supply the ammunition Eden Dzeko requires to get his daily fix of self-importance.

Iran

Manager: Carlos Queiroz
Key man: Reza Ghoochannejhad

‘Nothing to see here’ is the motto embroidered on the crest of group F’s perpetual no-hopers. Iran will be hoping they can do as good a job protecting their six-yard box as they do their nuclear weapons program.

Ashkan Dejagah is one familiar face. Everyone will be enjoying watching him whilst Bale and Zlatan sit at home.

Nigeria

Manager: Stephen Keshi
Key man: Victor Moses

The Super Eagles will want to make a decent account of themselves to avoid the scorn of their President. He famously banned them from playing for two years for a string of bad results before backtracking after he’d calmed down a bit.

Peter Odemwingie has been in decent form in the Premier League and is targeting more of the same here. He had tried to force a transfer to Ivory Coast by turning up unnanounced at their training camp before being told it doesn’t quite work like that. John Obi Mikel will also be present doing what he does best, whatever that is.

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