Love the genre of news article where somebody says something so ridiculously dumb that it becomes a viral news story and the latest contender is 31 Vikki Brown.
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Brown first met her 39 year old boyfriend Lucas Martins at the local supermarket in Stoke On Trent during lockdown in 2020 but they’ve been dating each other ever since and Brown has for some reason decided to tell the world that he experiences around 100 erections a day. What an absolute horn dog.
Here’s what she had to say:
From the beginning until now, wherever we are he can have an erection, it’s up to 50 to 100 times a day.
We only have to be sat watching a film, walking down the street or going to friends for a coffee and he’s got an erection.
Sometimes it’s embarrassing but he just laughs about it.
We actually met in my favourite childhood supermarket Morrisons – I was in my uniform with wet hair and a mask on and as we were queuing up he walked around the corner with a massive piece of fillet steak in his basket and said ‘wow aren’t you beautiful’.
We got speaking and I turned down three coffee dates at the start because I was so happy being on my own – we would never have met unless we bumped into each other in Morrisons.
Through the whole relationship he’s always had an erection – in shops, restaurants, the gym – there’s no rest from it at all and I just wondered if any other couples are the same.
In bed it’s the same, he can go to sleep with an erection and wake up with one, even though he does night shifts there’s no change in it at all.
It’s every single place we are – we can be having a perfectly normal everyday conversation like ‘shall we go and climb this mountain next weekend’ and he has an erection.
I can come down the stairs and walk past the glass door and be in the next room and it still happens.
I’ve spoken to him about it and he’s always believed in good intercourse with his woman and wife-to-be – he says it will bring the relationship closer and I do believe that too, he just wants me all the time.
His constant need for sex often cuts into my own time and I’ve missed a few appointments and got behind on chores – but I’m not complaining about it!
Wow. What a completely unhinged problem to share with the entire world. I just can’t see what Vikki is hoping to gain from telling everyone about this? Sure I guess it’s nice for her to feel wanted by her boyfriend, but why does she have to go around telling people? Really strange behaviour.
Lucas’ take on his erection ‘problem’ is just as weird and cringey:
It just seems to be natural, I’ve got a wonderful woman next to me – she’s a goddess, she only needs to look at me and speak to me and I get hungry for it.
“When we first started I said I’m happy with one as long as we get on in all aspects we’ll be fine – and after a year when most couples would die down, months and years go by and we get hungrier for each other.
“If that pheromone and testosterone just link together correctly, I can easily come to bed and look at Vikki and have an erection, I fall asleep with one and wake up with one.
“It’s unique and different but it’s because of the woman I’ve got next to me – to me she is a goddess, she is basically a forbidden fruit and for that reason I just want to eat it.
“It’s how she makes me feel, I’ve never experienced before how she makes me feel, our bodies are so connected and that is so easy.
Vom. Can’t wait to inevitably here about them splitting up because Lucas was shagging someone else who gave him 1000 erections a day or something equally ridiculous and that this wasn’t a unique situation between the two of them at all. Give me a break.
For more of the same, check out the guy who was left with a permanent erection after a horrific accident. What a nightmare.
