Some extremely sorry motherfucker named Balenda Kalala over in Melbourne, Australia, paid a team of hitmen £3,500 to assassinate his wife Noela Rukundo because he thought she was cheating on him.

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Kalala, who’d been living in Australia since 2004, planned to have the mother of his 3 kids murdered as she attended her stepmother’s funeral in her native Burundi last year (he remained back home in Aus).

Noela Rukundo is my hero: Wife crashes own funeral, horrifying husband, who paid to have her killed https://t.co/1HRro7Mo7m

— Sophie "I used to have a check mark" Lui | 呂婉謀 (@sophielui) February 5, 2016

Unfortunately for him, the gunmen were mates with Ms Rukundo’s brother, so instead of murdering her they told her everything her husband had asked them to do, and even gave her recorded phone conversations and a payment receipt as proof.

Together they set up an elaborate plan that involved telling Kalala that the job was done, after which he told their family and friends she’d died in an accident in Africa.

Meanwhile, Ms Rukundo travelled back home to Melbourne and watched her own funeral take place right before her eyes. She watched the whole thing go down from her car, and then waited for the mourners to leave before confronting her husband.

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As described by the Washington Post:

Finally, she spotted the man she’d been waiting for. She stepped out of her car, and her husband put his hands on his head in horror.

“Is it my eyes?” she recalled him saying. “Is it a ghost?”

“Surprise! I’m still alive!” she replied.

Rukundo recalled how he touched her shoulder to find it unnervingly solid. He jumped. Then he started screaming.

“I’m sorry for everything,” he wailed.

He initially denied the crime, but Rukundo got him to confess during a phone conversation that was secretly being recorded by the police.

Rukundo told the BBC:

I felt like somebody who had risen again.

My situation, my past life? That is gone. I’m starting a new life now. I will stand up like a strong woman.

Kalala was sentenced to nine years in prison.

WHAT a story. And what a score for those assassins! Got to keep the £3,500 and didn’t even have to murder anyone. In fact if anything they saved a life which I guess does wonders for the conscience of a professional hitman. I can’t even imagine the dread on this guy’s face seeing his wife rock up to her own funeral like that, though it is a bit of a heartless move on her part letting everyone mourn her that whole time. Definitely someone who knows how to play the long-game.

For more ridiculous fake funeral shenanigans, click HERE.