Nigel Farage

Worm-faced Farage apparently considers himself a commoner, he admitted to Sir Terry on BBC Radio 4 on Sunday, stating that he was off to the pub “like common people” before actually going off to get a cappuccino. Due to actually having no idea as to how normal people generally act, we figured he’d show up to a house party half an hour before the scheduled time with absolutely no alcohol of his own.

At about 11pm he annoyingly decides it’s a good idea to change the song over to Pulp’s “Common People” and attempts to encourage others to dance with him. Luckily the host’s sister’s boyfriend offers Nige a tinny and whilst they swan off to find these hidden beers down the back of a wardrobe, the music gets switched back to some generic house beats.

Unwisely, he parks his Stella on the bookcase whilst he goes for a slash (he didn’t want any germs immigrating from the bathroom to his beverage) and some lad spikes his drink with a sprinkle of MDMA. Whilst this seemed like a funny joke at the time, this turns the UKIP leader into an unstoppable profanic force. The rest of the guests leave earlier than they’d intended after being backhandedly insulted by a pranged-out Farage, who stays awake until 4pm the next day and refuses to leave until the host threatens to call the police.