I had to leave Twitter. I had no choice. The reason? Lisa bloody Loeb.

For those of you born post 1990, you probably think Lisa Loeb is a character on Lazy Town.  You’d be mistaken.

Lisa Loeb sang on the soundtrack to one of the best films of the 90s, Reality Bites. Written by Ben Stiller and staring Winona Ryder and Ethan Hawke, it tells the story of a bunch of twenty-something slackers, trying and failing to find their way in the world to a blistering soundtrack.

[yframe url=’http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ka9mCmx9Jhs’]

I digress. Why did Lisa Loeb scare me away from Twitter? Well, she started following me. Me. Kate Brooks. Somebody I don’t even know exists half the time, let alone an American folk singer from back in the days of Grunge. Ms Loeb does not know me. I do not know her. Yet it frightened me somewhat. Is there another Kate Brooks on the American Folk circuit who she’s mistaken me for? After several Google searches I can certify that no, there is not.

It confused me. I didn’t like it. At least when you see an unfamiliar follower on Twitter you can safely put them down to sex workers and swiftly delete. But Lisa? What are you meant to do? In a blind sweaty panic, I deleted my account and vowed never to watch Reality Bites again.

Truth is, this is not a new phenomenon or a rare occurrence. One pal informed me of the reggae rap star and second rate Shaggy,  Sean Paul following him, for yet again, no specific reason. Seriously, what is going on? Sean Paul forcryingoutloud?!

My pal became some sort of local hero because of his new found friend, but my bemusement was merely exacerbated. It’s plain fvcking weird.

Some questions I am in desperate need of answers to:

Do these ‘stars’ need the publicity? Surely, the public of arena of my paltry twenty seven follows would not substantiate this move.

Do these ‘stars’ want to keep it real (vom) by staying connected to real people, a real nobody like me?

Or did their thumbs have some sort of spasm from all the guitar strumming/gun shooting and they accidentally ended up befriending us?

I can see why people would cream their pants over a famous celebrity becoming their virtual friend (maybe not so much Lisa Loeb) but to me I just find it really really alarming.

So next time you find yourself being followed by Nick Knowles or the drummer from Let Loose, be so afraid that you emigrate to a log cabin in middle of nowhere north of Alaska.