9. IT IS ILLEGAL TO HANDLE SALMON IN SUSPICIOUS CIRCUMSTANCES: LAW
That’s right, under the Salmon Act 1986 it is an offence to handle salmon in suspicious circumstances. I’m not sure what constitutes suspicious circumstances, but I saw someone gently stroking a fillet in Asda the other day and it was nothing if not disconcerting.
According to the Salmon Act 1986 — which is a great read by the way — an offence is relevant if it is in relation to the taking, killing or landing of a salmon [insert joke about flying fish here] so the suspicious fish molester in Asda was probably in the right. This raises many questions about the seemingly unimportant role we have assigned fish within the hierarchy of this male dominated world; it would appear they are nothing more than pieces of meat for us to do with as we please. It’s a great travesty that there is no law in place to protect innocent salmon from the clutches of fish-ogynistic oppression. Yes, I went there.
