5. IT IS ILLEGAL TO CARRY A PLANK ALONG THE PAVEMENT: LAW
Ever been cut off on the pavement by a maniac erratically wielding a plank? It is not a pleasant experience. Planks are the greatest threat to the smooth running of society since Jesus, and this is why under section 54 of the Metropolitan Police Act 1839 it is an offence to carry a plank on the pavement. If it were up to me all planks would be rounded up and shipped off to Siberia, but David Cameron doesn’t have the balls to take this necessary action. Pussy.
Other offences covered under section 54 include flying kites, playing annoying games and sliding on ice or snow on the street. No one has flown a kite since the Internet, so that doesn’t matter. As for playing annoying games and sliding on ice or snow in the street, I’d say bring back capital punishment but death would be too quick and easy for those merciless vagabonds. Send them to Siberia with the planks, that’ll learn ‘em.
