2. IT IS ILLEGAL TO EAT A MINCE PIE ON CHRISTMAS DAY: MYTH
Don’t panic fatty, the police aren’t going to kick your door in at 5 in the morning because you’ve overindulged on these unpalatable Christmas classics. But in a way I think they should, because mince pies are an affront to the very pillars of society with their disingenuous taste and promotion of festive obesity.
Oliver Cromwell agreed with me; he banned Christmas and replaced it with a day of fasting. It has always been assumed but never proven that mince pies were included in this bout of festive cleansing. Even if they weren’t explicitly illegal at the time, mince pies were definitely disparaged as they were seen as a symbol of the immoral excess of the season. All of Cromwell’s laws were repealed when Charles II became king as well, so you can definitely stuff your face without any fear of unwanted legal repercussions.
You make me sick.
