Here’s Why Wearing Skinny Jeans Is Actually Dangerous For You…

A story has been published in the Journal Of Neurology to try and warn people of the dangers of wearing skinny jeans. Seriously.

Apparently, a 35 year old woman’s (who doesn’t really sound like the normal kind of hipster who would be wearing this crap) calves got so swollen after wearing the garment that they had to be cut off her by doctors. She experienced numbness in her feet and found it impossible to walk. She then tripped up and found it impossible to stand up again, and so lay on the ground for hours until someone eventually found her. Sounds both stupid and horrifying in equal measure – especially because it occurred due to the fact that she was wearing skinny jeans.

In fairness to the clothing item, this woman was helping a relative move house when she was wearing them which did lead to her spending a lot of time squatting and moving around. This probably only accentuated how tight the jeans were around her calves and caused the problem. But still, you have to be a complete idiot to wear clothes like that when you’re performing a sweaty activity like moving house – they’re way more suited to just looking hip and cool when you’re hitting up Jaguar Shoes in Shoreditch or something.

Incredibly, the woman was only able to walk unaided after four days of treatment after this incident because she had damaged muscle and nerve fibres in her lower legs. This was mainly because of the prolonged squatting but this effect had been heightened due to the skinny jeans reducing blood supply to the legs. This is also known as compartment syndrome. Associate Professor Thomas Edmund Kimber, of the University of Adelaide in South Australia had this to say about the situation:

The present case represents a new neurological complication of wearing tight jeans.

Hmm yeah, no shit Sherlock. Despite this though, Alesha Dixon – who is obviously an expert on this sort of thing – isn’t going to stop wearing skinny jeans anytime soon, offering the following useful comments which you can hear below.

Admittedly, the whole story does sound like something that you might read on The Onion or other satire sites, but the fact it’s been picked up by loads of major news outlets does kind of imply to me that it’s real. Still, the fact of the matter is that this woman was pretty dumb about her choice of activity when wearing skinny jeans and if you’re going to just mope about in them looking hip then you’re probably going to be ok unfortunately. Until Charles Bronson gets involved that is.