What I love about the straight talking and perpetually puce Neil Warnock is that he understands by being the manager of a football club he is the master of his own destiny; that he’s the first to stand up and take the rap when things get tough and is never afraid to put his hand up and say to his critics ‘I failed’.

After all, when his Sheffield United side were relegated from the Premiership in 2007 on goal difference, with great dignity, he took the moral high ground over West Ham and their dodgy transfer antics. Heroically he admitted that the real reason his side went down was due to only taking 12 of the 39 points available to them from their last thirteen games of the season. This of course was as a result of poor performances and ultimately failing to manage a draw at home against the 10 men of lowly Wigan in the final match of the season, a point that would have seen them safe. Fortunately a man at peace with his lot, Warnock never once again mentioned Carlos Tevez’s name and spent the next three years helping landmine victims with leprosy build a much needed Zebra sanctuary in Guinea Bissau.

So this week it came as a massive surprise that following his dismissal for QPR being jumbo bollocks at footy, he named and shamed social media as the reason for The Hoops’s poor form and his subsequent dismissal. SAY WHAAAT?!

You can read all his confused Dad chat about people tweeting the chairman below and the ‘poisonous effect’ it had on his tenure at the club, although it must be said that  twitter doesn’t cause your team to be crap and that it’s a pretty bad idea to attempt to stay in the Premier League with Billy Bunter in goal.

To be honest Neil Warnock has come out of the incident looking like a rare plonker, but the decision will give me him more time to spend at home eating bread and dripping with his whippets, whilst planning ways to slaughter Kia Joorabchian and Sean Bean. Here’s his full statement:

“Tony, who’s the one really who sacked me, I know the influence that he’ll have had from certain people in the last few weeks will have been difficult to resist. People get on the phone and tweet every five or 10 minutes, and it’s almost like slowly poisoning somebody, from outside the club and no doubt from within the club as well. It’s a dangerous precedent if you let players talk to chairmen, but you can’t stop Twitter and things like that.

“When you have a run of results like we had and you’re not involved in football and you get people in your ear — agents, for example — tweeting him and speaking to him and talking about players … there’s some clever and manipulative people. I’ve no bitterness towards it. It’s just how things go.

“I received a text saying the owners had been talking long into the night and Phil Beard, the new chief executive, asked if he could come and see me, so I told him to come to our house and when I saw him I felt sorry for him and said, ‘Don’t worry, it’s nothing to do with you, this.

“I think you get used to a certain way of doing things but he [Fernandes] is so far away, all over the world. I’m not a communicator by tweet, I’m afraid, so I was always going to be the last to know. I love this club and always will. It’s been a big part of my life even though it has only been 22 months and it’s been the biggest career success I have had in my life. I’ve done 12 years work in 22 months, and the things I’ve had to cope with as a manager I don’t think anybody else could have coped with if I’m honest. To get where we are, with what I’ve had to contend with, is almost a miracle.”

Anyways, a recent leak from within the club by a mysterious Jose Bartron revealed a document containing a whole host of the myopic Yorkshireman’s blame theories that he’d been storing up, waiting to use, including —

• ‘It’s Ian Wright’s fault that Shaun Wright-Philips can’t shoot for shit. Must have passed on some duff genes.’
• ‘Tom Daly is responsible for the culture of diving in the modern game. He’s popularised it, bringing it to a wider audience and given it a youthful, acceptable image.’
• ‘Lineker and Hanson are accountable for 94% of global warming. Their sun bed use alone is having a disastrous effect on the ice caps. An all year round lurid Ronseal finish like theirs is likely to be using fvcking hundreds and thousands of gigawatts a week.’
• ‘Cruising around with a pissed driver and not wearing a seatbelt was probs the reason Lady Diana copped it.’
• ‘Toast always falls butter side down. Why? ‘The Soviets. They’ve been lacing our margarine with lead since the 40’s.’

Incidentally this story alerted me to the fact that QPR’s chairman is called Peter Beard. After a quick Google I can only assume this is the bloke: