The review below is for Veet Men’s Hair Removal Gel. The review’s been on the internet for a while now but as we get lean all day and party all night we usually don’t pick up on things like this straight away. Anyway, in case you haven’t seen it, I thought it prudent to stick it up as on Sick Chirpse to dissuade the curious.

Now, we’ve all balded our junk out of curiosity in the past – it’s only natural. And maintaining that level of smoothness would, I presume, require a commitment to grooming that most do not possess. So for the lazy shaver, there’s Veet for Men Hair Removal Gel. Boom. Job done, right? Wrong. If it sounds too good to be true, it is. Hairless, stubble-free plums require graft and upkeep, obviously. The hubris exhibited by Andrew, the author of the review above, was swiftly punished. On application of Veet for Men Hair Removal Gel, his nads transformed into ‘a maroon coloured bag of agony’. Imagine that. Really, think about it.

On showing this very review to a friend, he confessed that he’d suffered a similar experience involving hair removal cream and his beans. He finally fell asleep after hours of clutching various frozen foods to his flesh balloon and has since opted for the fully natural, Carles Puyol-style nutsac.

So, in summary: if you want to experiment, shave. The fizzing hiss and caustic smell of melting balls is surely something no man should ever experience. You are warned.

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