VIN DIESEL’S FACEBOOK PAGE (CONTAINS DISTURBING CONTENT!)

We’ve all done it; sat around bored at our computers procrastinating, seeking out the latest cat video, reading some inane, nonsense story regarding a non-celeb, or ~~stalking~~ trolling Facebook.

I don’t know whether it’s just me, but when I discover something new I have to tell as many people as possible, whether I love it or loathe it everyone must know my oh so important opinions and Facebook status updates are a great outlet. Shockingly, people quickly tired of loud and oppressive opinions clogging their news feed and feedback became scarce. I understood that I’d been maybe a tad overbearing ( “WAYNE ROONEY CAN FUCK OFF!”) and decided to ease off a bit. Still, the burning desire to force my opinions on the rest of the world quickly reared its head – I needed an outlet, but what? Then, out of nowhere I discovered the solution to my great problem.

No need for grammar, no need for syntax, just the simple click of a button; Lovely stuff!

I don’t know why I choose to hit the like button for Vin Diesel’s FB page, but I did. It must have been in some kind of Post-Fast Five Euphoria, still ecstatic after having seen Vin and The Rock restore peace to the streets of Rio via a cocktail of testosterone, excessive violence and gratuitous vandalism. Anyways, I quickly found the Offical Vin Diesel fan page and clicked the like button, I hit the hay moments later, satisfied! Little did I know however, that Vin Diesel’s fan page would be the gift that keeps on giving.

You see, I didn’t really realise at the time, but the page is apparently run by Mr. Diesel himself and he frequently interacts with his fans (albeit in a limited capacity), conversing with them and encouraging them to send in art.

Mhmm, that’s right, art. Not just any art though, fan art of Vin himself.

I understand that we’re all fans of somebody or something and we are all guilty of exhibiting odd behaviour over the subject of our obsessions, but some of the pictures I found….Well, just plain weird is what they were. See for yourself (sorry about the quality of these but it seems Vin Diesel fans haven’t figured out how to increase the resolution on their fan art yet).

Oh that little scamp, when he’s not conducting irreprable damage in Rio or brutally murdering alien bounty hunters, he’s just a happy go lucky kid from New York. Helping old ladies out with their trash, running errands for the local bakery, running off bullies and trying to get a date with the girl next door.

Hell, I’d actually pay to see that film!

There is never an occasion unfit for Vin.

I don’t know what says Happy Mother’s Day more than a tank-top clad Vin diesel.Now, to be fair he’s the least distressing element of this picture as I have no fvcking idea what is going on with the rest of the design, it’s like some weird collaboration between Clinton Cards and Geiger.

Well at least we’re out of the realm of creepy. I can actually envision people in times of great fear and anxiety, opening up their wallets and looking at this picture for a confidence boost. A little extra diesel in the tank if you will.

Just gonna give you some time to sew your sides back together!

Right, there are FUCKING LOADS of these! There is some weird obsession amongst Vin Diesel fans with juxtaposing him with either wild beasts or mythical creatures. I don’t understand it, but I am a lesser being, so what do I know.

Well there you have it kids, a small taster of Diesel fandom. I urge you to like one of these fan pages and see what nuggets you can find. Mike Tyson’s is a good one as every one of his status updates seems to suggest a breakdown is forthcoming.