Here’s our sixth installment of stiflingly mediocre non-news. I’ve pored over the Daily Mail online’s hideous weekly guff to bring you the most emotionally neutral stories I could find. It’s all balls with a capital B-A-L-L-S. But someone’s obviously clicking on this tripe: they must be found and hanged reeducated.
Just so you know, the header image of Elton was taken from a Daily Mail story that didn’t quite make the cut this time. In a nutshell, Elton left his house without glasses on. If a story about a man not wearing glasses didn’t get into the top 4 of most dull non-news items, you can imagine how low the bar is set today.
Now, put out your fag whilst reading these headlines in case you fall asleep…
4) Ear Ring
Website: Daily Mail Online
Headline: Emma Watson adds a punk rock twist to her dramatic backless ballgown by wearing a diamond ear cuff to Noah premiere
More Fitting Headline: Woman wears ear-ring to cinema
Summary: Emma Watson, famous for being one of Harry Plopper’s favourite bummers went to the cinema this week to watch that Noah’s Ark thing. She wore a completely over the top dress and an ear-ring that probably cost an average person’s yearly salary. Although it’s a bit rich of me to have a go at someone else’s spelling, the Daily Mail called it Noah’s “arc”. They got it wrong. Repeatedly. Spell checkers can only do so much.
Quote To Note: “The waist was meanwhile cinched with a feminine bow”.
Favourite Reader’s Comments: Thanks to Bree from Bedford for this one – “Helen Mirren would look great on that dress, Emma? not so much, also holding her purse like that makes her look like a nun or something”.
☛ Next: Today’s Top 4 Crap Celebrity News Items #1
