Everyone is on Tinder for the exact same reason, I don’t care what crap you all spew about ‘looking for the one’ or how much you proclaim that ‘it’s just for a laugh’; all anyone is looking for is 7 minutes of Narcos on Netflix, 39 seconds of disappointment on the sofa and 45 minutes of shame on the way home. That’s 52 minutes and 39 seconds that stop you feeling like your life is one solitary train wreck for one Friday evening. Just look at these sex manic girls and boys for further proof.

If, however, you happen to be in a relationship and so rather than being consumed by loneliness and suicidal thoughts you’re consumed by sexual inadequacy and the desire to watch your significant other pretend to be gay for what they think will be your immense satisfaction but is somehow just contributing to your feeling of inadequacy, then you too can now revel in the fun of Tinder. 3nder (pronounced Thrinder) is a dating app very much like the original, but with the pure intent of making your 3 way dreams a disappointing reality.

Anonymous investors have already poured a massive £300k into the London-based start-up and it’s open to anyone from singles ranging through to those already in 3 way relationships and anything in between, pretty much all are welcome (unless you’re an android user, because the app is currently only available on IOS).

The founder of 3nder said in a statement:

We are building the first safe environment for open minded people where they can meet likeminded partners, and the response has been fantastic.

We are also gender-blind and orientation-blind, so everyone is welcome.

I can’t help but feel cynical about this whole thing. There’s already been a fair few developers trying to capitalise off of the success of Tinder and none of them have had quite the same impact. I mean, obviously there’s nothing better that I can think of than meeting up with a random girl along with my girlfriend and watching them getting it on, whilst silently pondering whether I’m dating a closet-lesbian, or else having a strange man come round to our place to rail my girl while I watch on awkwardly. Him staring into my eyes, smiling and pumping his hips back and forth. Really, both of those sound positively thrilling. But I can’t help but think that if you’re in a relationship it’s because you’ve chosen that person over anybody else, isn’t that the idea? You give up sex with other people because you really like this person. Maybe I’m just old fashioned, and if I am then I’m happy with that. For me, threeways belong in porn and on drunken nights out when you’re single if you ever happen to be so lucky. Not in relationships where they just seem like an excuse to cheat guilt-free. Besides, if this app is open to anyone I’m pretty sure it’ll just be full of people like this guy.