4) Slug (Pulmonata)

Image VIA

These guys make the list for one vital reason: if I step on a slug whilst I’m having a fag outside in my socks, I have to throw out a perfectly good sock. That’s wasteful.

I am sure that environmental scientists would be able to wax lyrically about the wonderful variety of goodness that slugs do for the environment. But that is of no interest to me.

I can’t be arsed to research it, but I bet if we wiped out slugs, snails could fill their ecological niche ably. It’s not that snails are loads better than slugs, but at least they have the common decency to cover their shame with a pretty spiral hat.

Also, if you want to grow any kind of plant, whether it’s a flower or a vegetable, beware; the slugs are watching. They will consume the lot. Will the feckers eat grass, or weeds, or dandelions? No they fucking won’t, they know you don’t care about them, they can read your thoughts. Your prize marrows? Gone. Fuck you slugs.