I got a free animal themed calendar through the door today from some wildlife charity or other (to be honest it was actually addressed to the previous occupant, but they will have to do without it now I’m afraid). I thought to myself “I like animals, I’m looking forward to having a gander at the pictures”. I’m an easy man to please. So I cracked that bad boy open and began my perusal. But instead of joy and wonder I found myself getting progressively enraged.

The pictures I was presented with, as lovely as they were, all featured the normal, boring suspects: a giraffe, a tiger, a kitten, a stupid looking donkey. Now, I hasten to add I am not speciesist, all critters are equal and all that, but surely we should give all of the animals equal coverage in our various medium of media? Where was the Chinese serow or the shoebill stork? I cried aloud.

I flipped the pages with lack lustre until I reached July’s picture. “An elephant, how original” I thought. But then it struck me what a wonderful looking beast it was. Just look at that trunk? What’s that all about? I mean, its usefulness is obvious, but it’s a pretty mad bit of kit to wear on your face all day long.

It’s not the only trunk in the animal kingdom, the hyrax has got one too, but it’s nowhere near as impressive, long or useful as the elephant’s. (BTW there was no hyrax picture in the calendar either).

So I started reading about the elephant’s marvellous appendage and this is what I found…

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