CALL OF DUTY

The NFU (National Firearms Unit) have called up the country’s leading COD players in order to kill the badgers. COD players have been chosen not for their marksmanship but from their ability to drop the n-bomb while playing the game. The badgers are now the enemy and they’ve been packed off to Somerset with high velocity rifles, grenades, Wotsits, cans of Lilt and of course a mobile incase they need to call their parents and tell them where they are. It’s feared that tens of COD users will get injured by having to do exercise and human hospitals will be inundated with removing thorns from their delicate little hands.

There we have it. As you have read, some of the points don’t directly explain why badgers are cunts but go towards painting the overall picture. If badgers weren’t such cunts in the first place, then we wouldn’t have to go to all the effort of killing them. No one wants to go to a rural pub and find a badger sitting in the corner, frothing at the mouth, riddled with cow spunk and teaching a mole how to twerk like a porno Wind In The Willows. Thank fuck we have a strong leader like David Cameron to deal with this badger blight. Imagine if the lefty/leafy-Greens were in power? We’d have badger rights and unions and soon badgers would be having sex with our young girls, would want equal rights and would be able to get jobs that we don’t really wanna do. KILL THE BADGERS, THEY ARE ALL TOTAL CUNTS.