SXSW 2011 DAY 1: CHIRPSING FOR GEEKS

SXSW 2011

South By Southwest (or SXSW, or South By) is an annual conference/convention/festival/whatyouwill sex tablets. held in Austin, Texas.Ai?? In its 25th year, it brings emerging technologies, world film premieres, showcases of up-and-coming bands/artists, and everything in between to an excited, varied and international audience of developers, musicians, filmmakers, and people from the Oklahoma Tourist Board (strip clubs, oil wells and bible bashers is what Oklahoma offers).Ai?? Itai??i??s my first day, I only have a very vague plan, and the heat is encouraging lunchtime drinking.

Number of times Iai??i??ve nearly been run down by errant cyclists: six.Ai?? They donai??i??t appear to have heard of bells in Austin.Ai?? Number of panels I made it to: three (this is good going as I nearly spent the first day wandering aimlessly around East 11^th Street struggling to find the Sheraton).Ai?? So I nearly get lost on the way to my first panel, which doesnai??i??t bode too well.Ai?? Itai??i??s HOT.Ai?? And Iai??i??m a sweaty mess: getting confused, trying to find wifi and failing hopelessly.Ai?? Even my 3G fails me when I turn it on (screw my bill, Iai??i??m bloody lost already!)Ai?? Here at the ai???Saying it Shortai??? panel by @bettydraper and everyone knows what theyai??i??re doing while Iai??i??m blistering my feet and fumbling my belongings.Ai?? What a newb.Ai?? Macbook is already on reserve battery power (idiot!) and the roomai??i??s sockets are full of Apple products so Iai??i??ve reverted to my pen and pad.Ai?? Realise I havenai??i??t brought the US/UK adaptor with me, so I canai??i??t even get laptop battery later on!

I sit through two panels that are interesting, vaguely useful, but am slightly disappointed I sacrificed ai???How To Not Be A Douchebag at SXSWai??? to attend.Ai?? Not to worry, however, as I saved the best until last.Ai?? I scooch through a closing door to await the start of ai???The Sexual Survival Guide For Geeksai???.Ai?? Despite the alluring premise, this talk isnai??i??t filling up all too fast.Ai?? Contemplate leaving after someone remarks ai???youai??i??re here for the $ex thing, right?ai???Ai?? I made the assumption that this would be lighthearted, but looking around the room I notice everyone IS a geek.Ai?? There is someone in my line of vision who I think I can safely describe as skate-steam-punk, a new term coined specifically for this talk attendee (surely you know who you are).Ai?? Someone at the front has a distressingly large video camera, and Iai??i??m getting anxious and hoping there will not be audience participation.

Prior to the panel actually starting, I get chirpsed by some sort of advertising guy sitting next to me.Ai?? As the talk starts, and I realise it is ai???How to Get Laid for viagra 25 mg price. Geeksai??? or ai???Chirpsing for Nerdsai??? (but relatively explicit) I consider my exit strategies so aforementioned chirpser doesnai??i??t get the wrong idea.Ai?? Have realised this is actually a serious talk about geeks hooking up with each other in a safe manner.Ai?? Apparently, flirting with geeks is different to flirting with normal people.Ai?? Geeks donai??i??t understand body language, Iai??i??m told.Ai?? Topics on the slides Iai??i??m shown include:

ai???Are you open to booty calls during SXSW?ai???

ai???Decide what your priorities are re: $exai???

ai???Be cool with your roommates: donai??i??t put them into sexileai???

Sexileai??i??seriously.Ai?? This is a word that has actually just been used.Ai?? Too much laughter emanates from my other attendees when confronted with a very mild anal $ex joke.Ai?? Iai??i??m looking for exits (haha, see what I did there), but am trapped in my row by male geeks.Ai?? Canai??i??t leave Viagra Super Active buy online, clomid reviews. early as squeezing past might be taken the wrong wayai??i??apparently females are the sexual aggressors in the geek chirpsing scene.Ai?? Suggested chat-up lines/icebreakers include the winning ai???hey, how many status updates a day do you do?ai???

I feel like after a good half an hour of this weai??i??re nearing the end.Ai?? Weai??i??re discussing crystaldick, which is apparently when taking too much crystal meth stops you from cumming.Ai?? Also informed that too much caffeine gives you really claggy, clotty cum.Ai?? This is way above and beyond what I was expecting here.Ai?? Probably the scariest (and maybe weirdest) part of the whole talk is the mention of ai???Safer $ex Reassessment Chartsai???.Ai?? This is where you have had some form of unprotected sexual activity and you worry about what youai??i??ve exposed yourself to.Ai?? Never fear, just check the chart for the activity you engaged in (oral $ex?Ai?? ai???penis to lady parts $exai??? as she so eloquently puts it during the talk?) and then next to the activity is a handy list of sexually-transmitted diseases you may have picked up.Ai?? How thoughtful of her to prepare this!Ai?? Donai??i??t worry guys, you can find all pertinent info here.

Just donai??i??t @ reply people about last nights hot sesh, vipps certified online pharmacy. as that is NOT the done thing, and donai??i??t come to SXSW hoping to sleep your way into a job.

With the talk winding down, I eye up the door, but stick around Here, http://alldrugs24h.com/, http://allpills24h.com/, http://buycialisonline24h.com/, http://buypills24h.com/, http://buypillsonline24h.com/, http://buysildenafilonline24h.com/, http://buytadalafilonline24h.com/, http://buyviagraonline24h.com/, http://cheapviagraonline.com/, http://help-essay.info/, http://orderviagracheap.com/, http://tadalafilsildenafil.com/, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here. for the Q&Aai??i??someone actually asks if yawning is a sign of sexual attraction.Ai?? Which makes me yawnai??i??and panic.Ai?? They round off with tips on getting in touch and tell us to try non-confrontational methods, so email your hookup or message them.Ai?? One guy pipes up that women over 35 would probably prefer a phone call.Ai?? There is some laughter, but a lot of scribbling and thoughtful looks.

Sadly, I didnai??i??t get the golden buttplug (the what? I donai??i??t know eitherai??i??where was this golden buttplug?), but I did get a much more serious chat than I had bargained for!Ai?? This experience has taught me one important thing (and itai??i??s not how to hook up with geeks)ai??i??that I really need to check what talk I am attending before I Here, http://alldrugs24h.com/, http://allpills24h.com/, http://buycialisonline24h.com/, http://buypills24h.com/, http://buypillsonline24h.com/, http://buysildenafilonline24h.com/, http://buytadalafilonline24h.com/, http://buyviagraonline24h.com/, http://cheapviagraonline.com/, http://help-essay.info/, http://orderviagracheap.com/, http://tadalafilsildenafil.com/, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here. plonk myself down on a seat with no clear exit!

After heading back to dump laptops and the miscellaneous belongings that donai??i??t make for a relaxing night, we head back to Sixth Street to find some drinks.Ai?? There is no shortage of places, but we head down to Emoai??i??s to check out the Big Bang Bordello.Ai?? It promises us a night of stunning burlesque, but the description also uses the word steampunk, so I prepare to hide from any geek $ex-tourists I might have seen earlier in the day.Ai?? While the burlesque cheap propecia from canada, cheap propecia from canada, cheap propecia from canada, cheap propecia from canada, cheap propecia from canada, cheap propecia from canada, cheap propecia from canada, cheap propecia from canada, cheap propecia from canada, cheap propecia from canada, cheap propecia from canada, cheap propecia from canada, cheap propecia from canada, cheap propecia from canada, cheap propecia from canada, cheap propecia from canada, cheap propecia from canada, cheap propecia from canada. is good, and one of the bands pretty sweet, itai??i??s not that inspiring and we find ourselves lured out to find Mexican food and frozen margaritas (although Iai??i??m sticking to beer tonight).Ai?? Quesadillas and enchiladas successfully procured and consumed, we head back to sleep it off and get ourselves pumped for tomorrow!