7) SPEEDOS

You can’t write something about going swimming without mentioning the garb. I always wanted to form a band called “The Speedofiles” but no one would join it. Not because of the name but because I’m a shit musician. Let’s face it, they do look weird. They are essentially just shiny waterproof Y-fronts. Ideal for sitting at home and pissing in (try it sometime, nappies are slightly better though) and people who wear them have balls. Obviously you can see their balls as well. Girls, don’t think you’ve got away with it! Why do you wear those swimsuits? Bikinis are much better. And if had any clue on how to undo the top half, I would do it in that weird flirty fashion that guys do, and then I’d swim off on my back, complete with my blood-filled rudder. If you see someone swimming in a T-shirt in the pool, then either they’re a teacher, fat or forgetful.

☛ More Speedos: German Guy Jumps Into Frozen Lake Only Wearing Speedos