6) THE LIFEGUARDS 

I’m not a big guy by all means and I’m definitely not that heavy. What I do know that is if I had a heart attack (probably brought on by munching on Andrew Humble’s log) then I know that the lifeguards at my local pool would not be able to save me. Why? Coz they’re all 13 and they’re too busy flirting with each other to notice if anyone is drowning. I sound like an old man here (I am) – I think I am just jealous. It doesn’t matter how old they are, lifeguards are glamorous. They are perfect poolside paramedics, highly skilled athletes and one day they will all be in Baywatch The Musical.

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