The best way to clear your conscience before the weekend is to admit what you did via our anonymous Sick Chirpse confessions box (also located under this post) – every week we’ll be posting the juicy ones.

Here are the best from this week:

Sir Zukes

Thanks to the user ‘Holwank’ I’ve been looking for that british lesbian porno again for the first time in years! Great start to Friday.

InsecurityBlows

Lately I’ve been waking up to my boyfriend silently wanking to porn with his headphones in. The shitty part is it actually makes me so insecure (because c’mon, my tits are far from a dd and I can’t fit a fist in my ass) that I don’t want to initiate sex with him and the non sexual cycle continues. I wish he’d either fuck me or we just call it a day. Fuck.

No regret

I was given Christmas money to buy a fitbit instead I purchased 2g of coke I have no regrets.

SADXMASS

Knowing I was going to my parents cos of the holidays, I did my best to stop reading the weekly confessions for a couple of months or so. Now, whenever I can, I binge read ’em. Hate doing family time. Thanks for saving my holidays.

Shelovedit

I slept with my best friend and we both loved every second of it, and left her a shaking dribbling mess now I’ve not heard from her since and I’m worried it’s ruined the friendship. Best sex I’ve ever had though!

Scabpicker

I love picking scabs. I realise this makes me a bit juvenile and probably a bit gross, but there is no greater pleasure than pulling off a huge scab. Even the pain as the last bit tears off is almost sexual.

LazyScum

Everyone thinks i’m a good guy and my girlfriend is really lucky. In reality I fucking hate her and have cheated on her multiple times over the course of our 5 year relationship. The only reason we are still together is because I’m too lazy to come clean and be forced into sorting out my life and having to do my own washing.

RICARDOTUBBS

I’m messaging and meeting up with several women I don’t fancy at all just to make the friend zone hurt a little less. The girlfriend is none the wiser about any of it.

Trumpattack

I’m lowkey excited to see what happens when Donald Trump gets into power. Not that I like him or anything, but I’m just interested to see how much he’s gonna fuck things up.

Seshlahem

I drank a bottle of wine and took a Valium. Felt so good I even did a key of coke. Im on my own in the living room playing some banging tunes. I’m writing this off my face. Happy Friday!

Stoner

I don’t even enjoy getting stoned anymore but I still do it everyday because what else is there to do?

Dirtybum

I’ve had blood in every one of my shits for well over two years, I know I should get it looked at but I’m too scared of what they might tell me.

Anxietyattack

I genuinely think my hypochondria is beginning to take over my life. I spend every night Googling my symptoms and then trying to convince myself that I’m not going to die. Help me.

Lets Make it the Hattrick

Twice now I’ve gotten blackout drunk and taken tramadol, alone and submitted confessions, both of which got published, without any memory of these until I routinely check the confessions page every friday. I’m the guy who conspired to get those horrendous girls sacked from work (they are long gone, I didn’t have to lift a finger, that’s how bad they were) and wants one of his exes dad’s to start on him.

Infinity

I wrote last week about how I flirted with a girl at the work christmas party. Now I’ve left my girlfriend, and I haven’t had a chance to try it on with the girl from the work party. Now I have to work away for a month, FML.

Lightningbolt

I went to Amsterdam earlier this year for my girlfriends birthday. I got a blowjob off a prostitute while my girlfriend sat and watched. Decent.

No!

My boyfriend is too nice, literally I could cheat on him and he’d ask me for forgiveness. It’s doing my head in.

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Well done guys and gals – you’ve done us proud. Well, maybe not proud. But thanks for submitting and if your confession didn’t feature, don’t sweat it – just submit a better one next time.

Get involved and submit your confession(s) directly below this post – see you next week.