The best way to clear your conscience before the weekend is to admit what you did via our anonymous Sick Chirpse confessions box (also located under this post) – every week we’ll be posting the juicy ones.

Here are the best from this week:

Pissmilksurprise

I hate my flatmate so I made a Twitter poll to what I should do as revenge for her calling campus security for me playing music too loud pissing in milk won and I did it. Hope she enjoyed that the fucking bitch.

StressedandDepressed

I get more LinkedIn notifications than Tinder notifications.

Chirpsta

My employer spent thousands of pounds to send me to Canada for a conference. Hardly showed up to any of the sessions and instead spent most of the week alone in the hotel bar staring at the wall getting completely hammered.

214 days played

I’ve got more max level characters in World of Warcraft than women I’ve shagged.

Finallymadeit

I tally the amount of weeks I dont get submitted in the weeks reader confessions. My highest was 17.

Spent

Just got back from a 3 night stag. Didn’t sleep the first night and only eat a burger the whole time I was in Spain. Went to a knocking shop on the first night and pulled the pro, spent the rest of the time with her fucking & am now trying to decide whether or not to leave my wife for her.

RicardoTubbs

I’ve recently got back on the POF and bizarrely I’m more worried about seeing my ex on there than my current girlfriend seeing me.

Chewy

I spend way too much time getting high and daydreaming about how easy life would be if I had super powers rather than actually doing something with my life.

Lucifer

I turn everyone I know into a worse person and I love it!

#noguilt

My newly ex reads these confessions consistently so yeah Amanda – I did sleep with your sister.

tenhailmarys

On my gap year, I had a threesome only to find it wasn’t that great. I fell asleep after two rounds, which they weren’t impressed by. In the morning, one was in the shower but I needed a piss badly so I did it in the kitchen sink. I gave it a quick brush after –  I’m not an animal or anything. The flat used to belong to the guy’s now-dead grandma, not sure if a neighbour spotted the whole thing as my hangover was too blinding for me to care. Waited for guy in the shower to leave then went back to bed and banged the other one again. I’m a girl by the way.

Strap-in

I prefer my gf fucking me with a strap on to me fucking her vagina.

Wankathon

I have become so desensitised to hardcore porn over the years that I worry where it will end. It keeps getting more and more extreme – at the moment I can’t get enough of watching fat chicks getting gang banged in public. What’s wrong with me?

Whathaveidone

My girlfriend is pregnant. I don’t want it, she does. Now all I’m doing is looking at flights and houses abroad so I can just leave her and never bump into her again. Can you buy the morning after pill online?

Sprayandpray

After 4 years I was no longer attracted to my girlfriend and our sex life had dried up massively over the past year. However we recently went on holiday. We laid in bed most of the day and I ended up fingering her. She came so hard, she ended up soaking the place, squirting everywhere. We are now at it like rabbits and has saved our relationship (for now). I can’t believe I was with a squirter all this time!

GymFreak

My girlfriend’s going on holiday for two weeks with her ‘mum’ but I’m pretty sure she’s actually going with her husband… my life sucks.

Moses Herzog

Me and the lads just compared the size of our balls over a nice cold Tyskie.

poopchutesniffler

When I was 21 I was horny as fuck and stuck at Coventry train station with my then girlfriend. She suggested a quickie in the toilets to kill time and being the horny 21 year old I was I was game. It was literally all going well until a woman dashed into the next door cubicle and proceeded to have a really dirty shit complete with the kind of noises of satisfaction you make when you squeeze out a huge poo. Suffice to say I rapidly lost my boner and I think I died a little inside. Still, being the horny 21 year old I fucked the shit out of her again in the train toilets. Think ever since then the smell of shit has been a huge turn on for me.

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Well done guys and gals – you’ve done us proud. Well, maybe not proud. But thanks for submitting and if your confession didn’t feature, don’t sweat it – just submit a better one next time.

Get involved and submit your confession(s) directly below this post – see you next Friday.