The best way to clear your conscience before the weekend is to admit what you did via our anonymous Sick Chirpse confessions box (also located under this post) – every week we’ll be posting the juicy ones.

Here are the best from this week:

DX11

I never shave my beard because my double chin makes me look 20kg heavier than I already do

Aniweedhop

I’m supposed to meet up with an old friend today. We met when we were around 15 years old and both really goth. He used to have the biggest crush on me and honestly, for a while i liked him as well. We never hooked up tho. Fast forward 6 years and we both went in different directions. He got his whole goth look cleaned up and actually joined a political party. The shit he posts on Facebook annoys me so bad i almost want to break all of his fingers. Me on the other hand went into a weird anime-hiphop fusion. I smoke weed whenever i can i really enjoy my own company. He’s still hoping he can hook up with me, but honestly I’m just using him for free food. I’m secretly hoping the plans fall through and i can get high and watch some animes all day long. guess I’m a shittier person than he is

gonna_be_a_nun

The guy I’ve been dating, who was telling me he was so keen and into me, dumped me yesterday. By text. With an excuse so lame I can’t even type it. Since I split with my last ex (18 months ago now) I’ve had a string of failures or guys just too nice who I’m never interested in. It’s getting really, really tiresome. Honestly thinking that at the grand old age of 29 I’m gonna be single forever now. Facebook just rubs salt in the wounds, every time I log on someone else is pregnant/engaged/married/showing off their happy relationship, kids or latest life successes. I’ve unfollowed so many people I may as well delete it, it’s just full of cat memes and weird art. Such is life.

touchingcloth

The laundry basket in my bathroom sits right next to my toilet and for some reason I keep pulling up the wrong lid, and chuck my dirty washing into the toilet instead of the basket.

Phone pig

I’ve recently graduated and got myself a job in telesales (I’m one of them bellends who rings you up). Whenever someone is a dick on the phone I take note of their number name and address and put that info everywhere I can find. So next time you get a call of someone like myself, just politely ask us to take you off the system.

SecretHomo

Got gay with one of my best mates, haven’t openly talked about it, we both said we can’t remember the night but I’m pretty sure we can, it was weird and he’s got a girlfriend

bigpapah

I hadn’t had sex since January 2014, broke the streak on Tuesday after over 2 1/2 years. This is to all the guys out there going through dry streaks like I was – there is light at the end of the tunnel!

mylilstonie

I chatted up a 4/10 the other night because she was eating pizza in the street. Managed to get a slice.

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Well done guys and gals – you’ve done us proud. Well, maybe not proud. But thanks for submitting and if your confession didn’t feature, don’t sweat it – just submit a better one next time.

Get involved and submit your confession(s) directly below this post – see you next Friday.