The best way to clear your conscience before the weekend is to admit what you did via our anonymous Sick Chirpse confessions box (also located under this post) – every Friday we’ll be posting the best ones.

Here are the best from this week:

Cultstatus

Whenever I’m stoned I write down all the amazing ideas and thoughts I have in my Notes because I don’t want to forget them. They never make much sense when I go back and read them

Incognito443

Got drunk and wound up in a club where all the women seemed to be MILFs looking for some young cock. Got even more wasted then ended up going back to this cougar’s house, she took me to the bedroom and put on some meditation music. Thought it was weird but no big deal. Now I don’t have big dick but it’s not a cashew nut either. So we start banging and this woman cums 3 times – a personal record for me. Ended up cumming all over her belly. My advice to any guys out there is definitely check out these MILF clubs

biscuitklub

I live in constant fear of being fired

Polishhammer

I get a buzz out of this guy ¯_(ツ)_/¯ so I saved him in a note on my phone so I can copy and paste it in text convos ¯_(ツ)_/¯

TINALAA

5 years ago I was quite pissed after work and I got on the bus home, I was sitting where the elderly people are allocated seats when this woman with a small girl came and sat opposite. I look away for a while but eventually the child throws it’s toy at me, I throw it back and begin to have a game of catch across the aisle. After a while she gets bored of that game and starts pulling funny faces at me. I copy and as I go to make a smiley face with my fingers on my cheeks, ironically my smiley piercing decides to get stuck between my teeth and rip out. Amazingly I didn’t really feel it, and am now bleeding out of my face and grinning at a child. Somehow this lead to me banging a MILF and playing tea parties with my what would be future stepdaughter. We’ve been married for 3 years

P.S. Don’t get a smiley piercing, Smiley piercings are shit.

Morrisian

I always get a pleasant surprise whenever a foreign looking person comes up to me and they speak perfect English

Strangerindaalps

I don’t know how much longer I can keep this pretence at work of being a sociable guy who gets along with everyone

night!

I’ve wanked off 3 times today and I have no plans of stopping now

wizkid

My dick is so gross it’s a damn shame

Plasticfloats

so for the euros last weekend me and my flat mates bought a new 50 inch tv, unpacking it there was loads of Styrofoam little S shapes kicking around the living room as we only got it back in time for the england russia game and didnt tidy up. during the druken evening i ended up eating a bunch of them as a joke. its been days and my shit from the morning after still hasnt sunk and nobodys put two and two together, that bathroom has just been abandoned. its huge and it wont go. so yeah , sorry boys.

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Well done guys and gals – you’ve done us proud. Well, maybe not proud. But thanks for submitting and if your confession didn’t feature, don’t sweat it – just submit a better one next time.

Get involved and submit your confession(s) for next week HERE – see you next Friday.