The best way to clear your conscience before the weekend is to admit what you did via our anonymous Sick Chirpse confessions box (also located under this post) – every Friday we’ll be posting the best ones.
Here are the best from this week:
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linkristin
I ran out of soap recently and have just been using shampoo on my whole body instead
Oh god.
I went to church for a christening and I had a bag of coke in my purse for afterwards. I’m definitely going to hell.
Ben3354
Sometimes I take my shirt off to get some air when taking a particularly large shit
leeds
My girlfriend and I bought a dog together, which she actually paid for. Things have not been great between us recently but I know that if we break up she will keep the dog. Really not sure what to do.
Peter Camdon
Every time I sleep in the same bed as a girl I force myself to stay up all night just in case I snore.
Slippery-slopes
My relationship is so bad with my parents i wonder if they cant tell im a anorexic drug addict with suicidal tendencies or whether they just dont give a shit and are quite happy to watch my life fall into disrepair.
Original glaze tiles
Every time I jerk off, I cum on to the bathroom tiles and mop up with tissue
slimjim
Growing up I wanted to be a football player or some kind of athlete as I was very good at sports in school. Instead I dropped out of university and became a Parcel Force delivery driver. Didn’t exactly shoot for the stars did I?
Tesco
Me and my girlfriend went through a gram of ket while watching Britain’s got talent
sexeddropout
I’ve never been so shocked as when I found out I had chlamydia. I genuinely believed that because I came from a good background I was above getting STD’s.
4fillings
My boss looks exactly like the ex porn star Sasha Grey. Whenever we have morning meetings I just imagine her taking loads to the face
chuckman
I have this weird thing where I get home and reorganise my flat every time I’m shitfaced. Then I wake up and have no idea where anything is
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Well done guys and gals – you’ve done us proud. Well, maybe not proud. But thanks for submitting and if your confession didn’t feature, don’t sweat it – just submit a better one next time.
Get involved and submit your confession(s) for next week:
