The best way to clear your conscience before the weekend is to admit what you did via our anonymous Sick Chirpse confessions box — every Friday we’ll be posting the best ones.

Here are the best from this week:

(Click the arrow keys below to view confessions.)

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Niveaboy

When I was in my teens I used to borrow my little brother’s inflatable swimming arm band, smear the insides with Nivea hand cream, inflate it then fuck the living daylights out of it. To this day, it is the best wank I have ever had and probably better than half the sex.