Confessions is back! Send your confessions in at [email protected] or DM us on Facebook, Twitter or Instagram. Everything we publish is 100% anonymous – just give an alias you’d like us to use.

Let’s go…

RESISTANCE

I had sex with a known slag 3 years ago (self confessed slag) who told me she had herpes before we had sex. Guess what? I didn’t get herpes. I live life on the edge!

[no name]

Dad was an electrician by trade and did all our wiring. After he died the lights started flickering. I asked an electrician friend to look at it. He spent 6 hours looking around and said it was a death trap and the worst wiring he’d ever seen. Cost £100 to fix. Haven’t told mum.

KKUTI23

I hate to say it but my cousin has incredible tits

LENOSAURUS

At uni I had a friend who was a short, fat, lazy slob. He ordered Chinese food so often that the chinese owner called his mobile to personally tell him that their number had changed. Anyway, one day we woke up to him shouting the house down and throwing furniture at the wall. Our housemate and some girl he brought back had raided his leftover Chinese the previous night. We had to call the police because he kept banging his head against a glass door when we tried to calm him down. Really shocked me how one person’s world could revolve around food so much.

[no name]

I’m Irish, single, and currently having an affair with my boss, a married, petite English lady but she is really into roleplay and constantly telling me to fuck her with my “peasant cock”. It’s weird

FOURTHCHOICE

One of my first times clubbing I saw some kids doing coke in the toilets and went and told the bouncers, then watched as they got thrown out of the venue aggressively. God I was such a little p***y — sorry lads if you’re reading.

[no name]

My dad is a gammon, a football fan and going senile. He knows nothing about the Gary Lineker thing as he’s not online so on that Saturday night I found sone old episodes of MOTD online and played it on my dad’s tv and he was none the wiser and it prevented a scene.

RAYDEN000

Back in school I talked my mate into getting a blxwjob from a really big girl and we took the piss out of him for a couple weeks after. 15 years later I look at myself in the miror and honestly I’d love a BJ from that girl now. My youth might have been more fun if I just lowered my standards a bit

SHANECANDYCO

It annoys me when people post about someone’s death on Facebook and then act secretive about how they died like it’s the most top secret information in the world. Tell us how they died! It’s the first thing everyone is wondering!

CHILLEN5

My girlfriend is depressed and was texting me all day while I was at work about how she was feeling etc. I managed to leave work early and drove to hers to surprise her. Ended up staying for 4 hours listening to her talk the most depressing shxt I’ve ever heard and heard plenty of times before. Then she starts talking about Russia and Ukraine and how there’s no point to anyone being alive and I finally snapped and went for fxck’s sake stop the fucking negativity. Everything is so negative negative negative! Fxck! She kicked me out of the house and told me I shouldn’t have bothered coming round. So yeah that was a waste of time

JANDHISGUITAR

Last week I started this diet so at a house party on the weekend I stuck to vodka so I could be strictly no beer. The party lasted 7 hours and I was basically drinking vodka the whole time. I got home at 3am and pxssed in my washing machine. I’m 29.

MYLIFEISAMESS

I quit my job 2 weeks ago now but am scared to tell my parents in case they kick me out, instead of being honest I go and sit in my car down the street for hours at a time.

[no name]

When I was like 7-10 y/o I was obsessed with spaghetti but while I would eat it I would also hold the noodle, swallow half of it and then pull it back out of my mouth to feel it slide back out of my oesophagus. The longer the noodle the better, to see how far down it would go.

[NO NAME]

Sometimes, as a treat, I pull my pants and trousers down to my ankles and wee like a little boy. No idea why, but it makes me laugh for hours.

BSVRDRV4U

My counter offer for a job in a new field was surprisingly accepted and my boss’s closing sentence was “you’ll now be one of our highest paid workers, so that shows my hopes for you”. I am underqualified for the role and haven’t had a good night’s sleep since. Crippling impostor syndrome.

LJM346

When I was at uni I hooked up with this girl who’s probably the hottest girl I’ve ever been with. I don’t know how my lines were working so well but I was at peak confidence. We have some drinks then on the way home we walk past her apparently ex boyfriend and his friends and she tries to make him jealous by kissing me in front of him. He just walked past and said “have fun mate” and winked at me. Get to hers, have drunk sex, nothing special. About three weeks later I got to the doctor because I’ve bumps on my dick. Herpes and chlamydia. I learnt my lesson, but fxck her and fxck him for not saying something

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[Send your confessions in at [email protected] or on our social media pages – don’t worry, we keep them 100% anonymous! Just send an alias if you want us to use one).

See you next Friday!