Confessions is back! Send your confessions in at [email protected] or DM us on Facebook, Twitter or Instagram. Everything we publish is 100% anonymous – just give an alias you’d like us to use.

Let’s go…

JETOUTLAW

My GF’s dad is currently in hospital and its not looking good. He hates my guts and the feeling is mutual. Wouldn’t say I feel too bad about it, but there is some guilt there.

[no name]

My motivation to lose some weight was having to get of Colossus at Thorpe Park and do the walk of shame past everybody on the ride because the staff couldn’t close the harness over my beer gut.

9PUZZLE

Got raped by a “big” girl at uni. Admittedly I was so drunk I brought her back to my room but I fell asleep after munching half a kebab. I woke up with her aggressively wanking my cock trying to get me hard. She then jumped on and rode my flaccid penis while I mumbled jibberish at her. I remember asking what she was doing and telling her to “just go home”. The rest is a blur but I also remember her eating the rest of my kebab before she left #metoo

JERRI67

I often take dumps that are bigger than my dick

WL

I work at a funeral home. One time I went to someone’s house to pick up a ‘client’. He died alone, and his dog had eaten his entire nose, both eyes and one ear. I can’t get that image out of my head.

TRISTAN

I shagged a girl who literally dumped her boyfriend over the phone as she was on the way home with me.

SILENT PLOPPER

I’m so embarrassed about people hearing me pooing at work that every time I poo I wrap my hand in toilet roll, catch the poo and gently drop it into the water to avoid any loud splashy sounds

THEREDHOOD

In school when we used to take turns in class reading from the textbook I would literally count the kids in front of me and figure out what section I was reading so I could practice it before it got to my turn. I think that’s where my anxiety started.

[no name]

As a kid I wandered into my parents’ bedroom, opening drawers etc. Under their bed I found handcuffs and accidentally handcuffed myself, and had to wait for my dad to get home to release me. It only occurred to me 20 years later why they were under their bed.

JCAMINI

I’m on Pay as u go

BLOD00

When I was growing up we had this big adult sized teddy bear just sitting in the corner of my room. Me and my bros would do wrestling moves on it. Well one day after much wear and tear the giant teddy bear opened up a rip between its legs. Anyway as a young lad going through puberty I began fucking this teddy bear after school. Literally sticking my bare dick into the hole and slamming away at the cotton till I jizzed. Nearly 15 years later I’m still so ashamed of myself.

[no name]

Sometime after release, I bought a second hand copy of the Resident Evil remake for GameCube, but disk 2 was scratched and unreadable. So I rented a copy and swapped the disks. Even told the rental shop that the disk was scratched, when I returned it. The perfect crime.

balzack

Had a Friday night and Saturday night date lined up with two different girls. The girl from Saturday randomly walks into the pub on Friday and approaches me as I’m sat with the other girl but was careful not to expose me. Later that night she text me and said she had second thoughts about meeting the next night, which was fair enough. But I thought it was really cool of her to not blow up my spot like that.

DONTTRYME

I have to quit smoking weed for my new job. Being an adult sucks.

TIMUR_999

My girlfriend is an alcoholic who embarasses me every time we go out. One time I came out of a bar with my friends to find her laughing her head off while getting pretend shagged by her gay best mate over a barrier while everyone watched. Not sure how much longer I can put up with this…

CHUMP

I once blagged a free taxi ride from town by telling the driver I was an undercover policeman and needed to get to a police station. It worked and I got a free ride…to a police station nowhere near my house. I also threw up all over the front of this random police station. I had to walk further home from this police station than I would have if I just walked from town

JUSTSOMEPRAT

The most amazing pussy I’ve ever seen and touched belonged to the ugliest girl I’ve ever been with. Maybe because it doesn’t get used much?

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You are forgiven! See you next Friday.

[Send your confessions in at [email protected] or on our social media pages – don’t worry, we keep them 100% anonymous! Just send an alias if you want us to use one).