Confessions is back! Send your confessions in at [email protected] or DM us on Facebook, Twitter or Instagram. Everything we publish is 100% anonymous – just give an alias you’d like us to use.

Let’s go…

TONIANKING

I met up with an old school friend who I hadn’t seen in 3 years since school finished. He was always a bit weird but a safe guy. Anyway the second time we met he brought his little sister along to the pub who had grown into quite the fittie. Somehow she invited me to visit her at her uni during the week and her bro didn’t object or even react to it at all. On the day I was going up there my friend sends me a Facebook message and says he knows his sister wants to bang me, and he’s OK with it as long as I don’t ‘film it and put it on YouTube’. He basically organised and gave me his blessing to bang his little sister.

VULGARIUS

My girlfriend works at Boots and refers to her customers as ‘clients’ and it makes me so angry

shanecandyco

It annoys me when people post about someone’s death on Facebook and then act secretive about how they died like it’s the most top secret information in the world. Tell us how they died! It’s the first thing everyone is wondering!

RAYDEN000

Back in school I talked my mate into getting a blowjob from a really big girl and we took the piss out of him for a couple weeks after. 15 years later I look at myself in the miror and honestly I’d love a BJ from that girl now. My youth might have been more fun if I just lowered my standards a bit

YOUSOU

Went out with my boss and learned he’s a real ladies man despite being 30 years older than me. He asked me about girls I’m shagging seeing as I’m young and I made something up on the spot about having a girl lined up for Friday. I already have a story prepared for Monday in case he asks how it went (we banged obviously)

kkuti23

I hate to say it but my cousin has incredible tits

MRHUBRIS

I’m terrified of shitting down the back of my shirt when I’m at work so I get totally naked every time.

LJM346

When I was at uni I hooked up with this girl who’s probably the hottest girl I’ve ever been with. I don’t know how my lines were working so well but I was at peak confidence. We have some drinks then on the way home we walk past her apparently ex boyfriend and his friends and she tries to make him jealous by kissing me in front of him. He just walked past and said “have fun mate” and winked at me. Get to hers, have drunk sex, nothing special. About three weeks later I got to the doctor because I’ve bumps on my dick. Herpes and chlamydia. I learnt my lesson, but fuck her and fuck him for not saying something

JANDHISGUITAR

Last week I started this diet so at a house party on the weekend I stuck to vodka so I could be strictly no beer. The party lasted 7 hours and I was basically drinking vodka the whole time. I got home at 3am and pissed in my washing machine. I’m 29.

deejay

I don’t like watching Countdown alone. What’s the point of watching if no one is there to see me bag 7-letter words?

RIGHTSTICK

I wish my girlfriend had fitter friends so I wouldn’t have to avoid the question of why they’re always single and why I don’t introduce them to my friends. And so I could jerk off to them.

ILOVEGOLF

I met a guy in Greece who had a street stall that sold cans of beer with a cigarette attached to each one. Genius.

CHILLEN5

My girlfriend is depressed and was texting me all day while I was at work about how she was feeling etc. I managed to leave work early and drove to hers to surprise her. Ended up staying for 4 hours listening to her talk the most depressing shit I’ve ever heard and heard plenty of times before. Then she starts talking about Russia and Ukraine and how there’s no point to anyone being alive and I finally snapped and went for fuck’s sake stop the fucking negativity. Everything is so negative negative negative! Fuck! She kicked me out of the house and told me I shouldn’t have bothered coming round. So yeah that was a waste of time

When In Rome

I recently took a Romanian girl away for the night. She wanting me to take her anal virginity. When we got there she went to the bathroom and came out wearing a vibrating strapon. If I wanted to take hers then she would take mine too. Needless to say she took me me first and she came hard. We swapped places and she screamed with pleasure as I pounded her. I don’t actually know who enjoyed it more.

VANDERGRAFF

Waited for a girl to get off work at KFC last week. She took a shower and we banged, but she still smelled like friend chicken

MATTSHKY

I have unusually small nipples

IMHARDME

My girlfriend asks me to rate each blowjob she gives me out of 10. I’ve never given her highter than a 9. Got to keep her on her toes (or knees)

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You are forgiven! See you next Friday.

[Send your confessions in at [email protected] or on our social media pages – don’t worry, we keep them 100% anonymous! Just send an alias if you want us to use one).