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Let’s go…

STICKY THUMBS

I sometimes play on psn with a quiet girl that I work with who I don’t usually talk to. We were into a game late one night and I got a horn on so decided to pump out a silent danger wank to her casual gamer talk, whilst playing it cool on the mic. And we won

NIL SKILL

My ex who I am still in love with has started dating a 6 foot 3 MMA fighter. Can also tell from his Instagram pics that he has a massive knob. No way I can compete with that.

MOZ321

When I was 15 some chav muttered ‘pussy’ole’ as he walked past me and I was too much of a pussy to respond. Still hurts 12 years later.

MASTODON93

My girlfriend’s given me 3 blowjobs since we got together a year ago and one of them was on my birthday.

DRITCHIE

I stayed an extra stop on the tube and made myself late to work because I had a raging boner that refused to go down

PERSPECTIVEO

Sometimes when my girlfriend’s going mental at me I film her reaction and replay it to her when she’s not mad. At the time she goes mental at me, but when she sees the video back she mostly apologies and then acts super cool for at least a few days. It works a treat.

MR.LEMON

My first week back as a teacher at a private primary school and I leave the room for a few seconds to let out a risky fart, and end up following through and shitting my pants. I was mortified the kids would be able to tell so I let them go to playtime early then went and dumped my boxers down the toilet. It was a pretty awful day all round.

DR. PUBETHUMB

I once smoked a spliff of pubes for £10 while I was pissed

BGLZEPICBARD

I was on a boys holiday in Napa when we saw a guy frothing at the mouth and having some kind of drunk episode/seizure outside a club. People were freaking out trying to get away from him. My mate tried to calm him down but the guy was swinging his arms everywhere and being really disruptive, so my mate body slammed him in the middle of the road and left him there.

HEWHOTHINKSAUSTRALIAN

A few years ago I took an Australian girl’s anal virginity. She wasn’t too keen on trying it and needed some persuasion but while we were at it she had a massive whole body orgasm and screamed the house down. Because I was seeing somebody else at the time and was afraid of being caught I quietly ditched her but the experience remains one of the most sexually charged memories of my life. Even years later (and married) I have to stop myself from thinking about it so as not to get a raging boner.

HIGHLYMOTIVATED

I used to piss on the back of my calves every time I took a shit. Took a while to realise that it’s because my dick doesn’t hang low enough into the bowl so when I pee it passes through the gap underneath the toilet seat

COUSIN TERRY

I’m about to turn 40 and still behave like a 23 year old with his first real taste of what it’s like to have my own money to spend. Trust me guys, your youth goes quick. Enjoy it

L DOOS

My girlfriend’s older sister is a bit of a slag. The first few times I met her she made a couple passes at me and was rubbing her leg on me under the table in the pub. I’m such a good boyfriend I ignored it and what’s more never mentioned it go my girlfriend. Would love to fuck her just once though.

NEIGHBOURHOOD LEGEND

The first time I had sex I thought I was inside the girl but really I was in between her thighs and a Persian rug (missionary) and came everywhere. I literally lost my virginity to a carpet.

DAVID

Girlfriend had a dream that I cheated on her and was legit mad at me for several hours….. WTF

MILESEMU

I’ve been in a serious dry patch with women for the past year, to the point where I can’t even bring myself to approach one because I keep thinking “what’s the point?” Gonna head out this weekend and just talk to as many of them as I can to break out of this. Life’s too short to be scared.

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You are forgiven! See you next Friday.

[Send your confessions in at [email protected] or on our social media pages – don’t worry, we keep them 100% anonymous! Just send an alias if you want us to use one).