Confessions is back! Send your confessions in at [email protected] or DM us on Facebook, Twitter or Instagram. Everything we publish is 100% anonymous – just give an alias you’d like us to use.

Let’s go…

kankhun

When I was a 14 year old virgin I was in the back of my mate’s car kissing and feeling up a girl. She pulled my dick out of my pants and I instantly came everywhere after 3 seconds of her holding it. Needless to say it was the most embarrassing moment of my life and my best friends still remind me of it.

GAMMA RAYS

I drank a Brazilian prostitute’s breast milk once and was convinced I had HIV for about a year.

INCOGNITO443

Got drunk and wound up in a club where all the women seemed to be MILFs looking for some young cock. Got even more wasted then ended up going back to this cougar’s house, she took me to the bedroom and put on some meditation music. Thought it was weird but no big deal. Now I don’t have big dick but it’s not a cashew nut either. So we start banging and this woman cums 3 times – a personal record for me. Ended up cumming all over her belly. My advice to any guys out there is definitely check out these MILF clubs

whatever

I once farted in a lift with 5 people in it. The old man asked if it was him and I said yes.

FLAMINGFUEL

In my late 20s and hide the fact I use an e-cig from my girlfriend. When she goes to the toilet or takes a shower I take hits like a crack addict. It’s pathetic.

MYAHEE

I once choked on a small piece of cheese at a party and someone had to perform the Heimlich maneuver on me. I’ll never forget the room full of terrified faces looking at me as I choked and wailed around like I knew I was dying. In the end the man who saved my life told me that he had just been taught how to do the Heimlich at the job he hates a few weeks earlier. Scariest and most humiliating moment of my life in one.

WIZKID

My dick is so gross it’s a damn shame

SCUMBAG MOVES

Me and my friend were at a party full of first year uni students once. They were drinking vodka cranberry juice out of a big bowl in the kitchen. When they went outside to do fireworks me and my mate pissed in the bowl and then left the party.

THIRD EYE

Sometimes I call Siri Alexa by mistake

[NO NAME]

Always knew I was no Brad Pitt but Tinder has really opened my eyes to how truly unappealing I must be. The only women I match with are absolute monstrosities. If that’s my level then I would rather be alone forever and I just have to accept that.

THEFADE

My hairline had started receding from the front and it never really bothered me until I got a trim and the barber offered me a look from up top. Oh boy is there a considerable bald patch. Never felt so depressed.

NIL SKILL

My ex who I am still in love with has started dating a 6 foot 3 MMA fighter. Can also tell from his Instagram pics that he has a massive knob. No way I can compete with that.

WITTY USERNAME

Tried banging my flatmate last night, she was horrified. Think I’ll stay in my room until this blows over or I’m asked to leave.

mozz

My boyfriend has bad fashion sense. I’ve purposely destroyed a couple of his tops “in the wash” because I didn’t like him wearing them.

[no name]

I have developed a new hobby when I’m in the supermarket. I’ll find a kid whose head is roughly the height of my ass and just fart at them as I walk by. I have no idea why I’m like this

STICKY THUMBS

I sometimes play on psn with a quiet girl that I work with who I don’t usually talk to. We were into a game late one night and I got a horn on so decided to pump out a silent danger wank to her casual gamer talk, whilst playing it cool on the mic. And we won

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You are forgiven. See you next Friday.

[Send your confessions in at [email protected] or on our social media pages – don’t worry, we keep them 100% anonymous! Just send an alias if you want us to use one).