Confessions is back! Send your confessions in at [email protected] or DM us on Facebook, Twitter or Instagram. Everything we publish is 100% anonymous – just give an alias you’d like us to use.

Let’s go…

stefan

When I was kid I used to hang out with my brothers after church while my parents drank coffee and chatted to their friends. The collection plates were always stored in a back room. I realised the door was never locked and used to sneak in and take a few quid every week. As a kid it seemed like a fortune. Probably took £50 over 2 – 3 years. I feel like paying it back but haven’t done it yet.

[no name]

Aged 18, my girlfriend and I were in an online chat room with some guy when he suddenly suggested she should try anal with me. She did. 20 years later, it’s still an occasional treat. Thanks weird internet guy!

felipe_

A few years ago I was drunk on my laptop, came across a hateful anti-male Facebook page and did what any drunk 20 year old would do — wrote the admin a drunk message . Anyway, admin ended up sharing my drunk message with all her followers, who proceed to get in touch with my university and employer with messages about me harassing them (I may have called them cock-starved feminist slags in one section of the message). Anyway long story short, I lost my job and had to delete my Facebook and all social media profiles because I was still getting abuse 3 weeks later from pissed off feminazis. Lesson learned.

whygodwhy

My younger brother has a bigger dick than me. I’m 22 and he’s 16. How is this possible?

em pereb

I got caught having a stealth wank at school while we were watching To Kill A Mockingbird. The teacher turned on the lights, yanked my jacket off my lap and exposed my tiny boner to the class. She looked shocked but I don’t know what else she thought I could have been doing. Still the most embarrassing moment of my life and it was over 15 years ago.

Cousinmike

Once ate some really spicy chicken wings and my ring piece was burning. I put an ice cube right on my bum hole and accidentally swallowed it up. Somehow gave me the worst migraine of my life. 

bloop

Was taking a one on one drive with my ex’s dad to their summer house. A 3 hour plus drive. He was pretty religious and we had nothing in common. We spoke for about 15 mins, then I fell asleep. Woke up hoping I’d slept through most of the ride, but in reality it was only about 10 mins. I pretended to sleep for the entire rest of the ride. Also had to piss but didn’t want to add on time by stopping. Was a rough 3 hours.

[no name]

I once woke up in a random girls bed after a one night stand with no recollection of the night before. I stumbled to the bathroom for a piss and was surprised not to hear any splash. I glanced down and realised I was filling up a condom like a water balloon.

wanderlei

A co-worker came to me crying her eyes out. After a holiday with her boyfriend he dumped her for someone else because he said he wasn’t attracted to her anymore. This co-worker is just an acquaintance, not a friend, so it was very weird. She asked me out for a drink after work and I said OK. After one drink she invited me back to hers and we ended up banging. She wanted to cuddle in bed and I stupidly did even though I wasn’t into her like that. The next day I told her it was a mistake and she started crying again. Think I’ve made the whole situation worse.

yayayua

There’s nothing more disappointing than clicking on a hot girl on Pornhub and realising she only does solo scenes

snoofoxes

I told my parents I was going to visit a friend in Kent. In reality I went to Thailand and had sex with 30 prostitutes in 10 days.

da camel

There’s a vegan place 2 miles from my house that me and my girlfriend have gone to at least 50 times since we’ve lived here. She went to get food there by herself recently. It’s literally 2 turns to get there from our house. She ended up at a different location 15mins further away because she said her SatNav took her. I was shocked.

chetwagn

I thought girls peed out of their bums until I was 14

[no name]

I used to work on Jeremy Kyle. Every guest got an autograph in the post after appearing on the show. I signed them on Jeremy’s behalf because he never wanted to do them.

Timeandtherani

I went on a cruise with my dad a couple years back, just me and him. A ton of old couples on the boat but I eventually found a 21 year old girl who agreed to come back to my room after we’d been at the pool. She was a bit wary about doing stuff since I said I was sharing the room with my dad, but eventually I convinced her to give me a BJ after kissing for ages. Anyway I came very hard and fast into her mouth about 5 seconds into the blowjob, and she just shot up with a look of disgust and said “dude, that was quick”. All I could do was say sorry

schlodomir

When I was a kid I used to pick my nose and stick the bogeys under my bed — I called it my bogey farm. Today my bogey farm is under the driver’s seat in my car

lazzaris

I was doing work experience and one day my boss and his team had to go to a convention and I was put in charge of booking the transport and hotel for them. It was last minute so I tried to find a good deal for them, and without reading all the details booked this one hotel that had an impressive sounding name and decent rating. Turns out I accidentally booked them all into a gay resort where clothing is optional. Needless to say they didn’t keep me on.

—–

You are forgiven. See you next Friday.

[Send your confessions in at [email protected] or on our social media pages – don’t worry, we keep them 100% anonymous! Just send an alias if you want us to use one).