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triplespicey

When I was in school me and some buddies wanted to trick our mate by giving him fake weed and seeing if he would act high. We literally pulled grass out of my garden and put it into a plastic bag. Being 13 none of us had really seen weed so he couldn’t tell the difference. We all smoked the “weed” and pretend to get high but he said he didn’t feel anything. I don’t know if anyone ever told him but the joke was on us in the end.

danedelion

I did some work on Jessie Wallace AKA Kat Slater’s house in Essex many years ago. I honestly think I could have banged her. Kept giving me flirty looks and complimented my arms but maybe she’s just friendly like that.

butt_sweat

When I was 16 I beat up three 11 years olds at a skate park to look hard in front of some girls. I made the mistake of hanging arround to soak up the glory and eventually one of their brothers came with a baseball bat which he didn’t need because he was already older and hencher than me. Amazingly he didn’t beat me up but forced me to say sorry to all three of them one by one then picked up my skate board and threw it over a fence. It really shamed me more than getting beaten up tbh. I never picked on anyone ever again.

barred

Spent almost seven years of study to become a lawyer. Got caught using my dad’s travel card and taken to court because they couldn’t determine how long I had been using his travel card. Long story short I will never be able to practice law because of the crime of using my dad’s travel card and ending up in court and breaking the lawyer’s oath of honesty. Seven years down the drain.

freezihn

When I was a fresher at uni I white knighted for some girl that was getting shoved around by a drunk rugby lad. The guy lost it when I stepped in and swung for me immediately. He connected pretty good and I went flying into a table. He did leave after that but I think I’ll leave it alone next time.

[no name]

As a kid watching tennis on the TV, I used to think that the player at the top of the screen had an advantage as he was hitting downhill

Joela

I got a haircut from a gay Portuguese man this week and I feel like he was being too sensual with the way he was massaging my hair like he was trying to turn me on or something. Not to marginalise sexual assault but I feel like it was a little bit

chewedbees

I had a lump in my testicles that turned out to be benign, but to find that out I had to visit my GP who is a tall, slim MILF with glasses. I can’t help but think that her and the nurse that was also present were laughing about my tiny penis afterwards, which shriveled up more than usual because I was feeling insecure about it and also concentrating hard on not getting a boner. That’s life with a small dick for you.

Aphreyst

I hate how much I stare at a screen every day of my life.

doughnut fart

I missed my girlfriend’s mum’s birthday party because I ate a dozen Krispy Kreme doughnuts by myself for breakfast and gave myself an upset tummy

fifabribe

I’ve had the same coke dealer for 5 years. He was 18 when he started selling to me. He got a job in a recruitment company recently and you should have seen how happy he was to tell me about it. I’m actually proud of him. He still sells me coke.

pringle39

When I first discovered wanking I sometimes used to wait until nightfall, go into the garden and wank myself to completion in pitch blackness. Something about the stillness of the night really got my juices flowing.

1207

My housemate is the best. She cooks me breakfast, lunch, dinner, washes up for me, cleans my room and pays for everything. My housemate is my mum.

Deepthought

Whenever I have a big decision to make I make sure I have a big wank first.

snowflakes

Back in college days me and my friends used to drive into this rural area, find a random car and just follow it for as long as possible just to freak them out. I don’t even know why but it was fun at the tiime. Anyway one time we followed this guy for around 20 minutes and he was clearly trying to get rid of us. In the end he lead us down this road into a dead end, turned his car around and started revving and coming for us. We were in my mate’s piece of shit Corsa and I thought we were all going to die for sure. His bumper was inches from us at around 80MPH at one point. I honestly thought we were going to crash or get beaten to death with a cricket bat or something.  In the end he drove off in another direction and we cracked up about it. For a while though I know everyone was as scared as I was.

Cbdm1937

My girlfriend called a break on our relationship because I snapped and told her that just for one weekend I want to be alone with my weed and PS5 and relax on my own. Sometimes I really miss being a 12 year old who’d never seen a vagina before.

Blue Peter

I once came so hard during a blowjob that the girl coughed and shot jizz out of her nostrils.