Confessions is back! Send your confessions in at [email protected] or DM us on Facebook, Twitter or Instagram. Everything we publish is 100% anonymous – just give an alias you’d like us to use.

Let’s go…

WOLFGUNG

Went to my eye doctor last week. She is very fit. We chatted about potential plans for summer and she mentioned how she can’t wait to be on the beach and sunbathe. I wanked off that night thinking about how she looks in a bikini/on the beach etc. I am absolutely pathetic.

frog boy

I recently got into a conversation with a talkative Uber driver about NFTs, which he had never heard of. I explained it in a way that made little sense to me, let alone the driver.  After an awkward, confused silence he just turned the radio on and listened to TalkSport.

kfart

I sometimes enjoy having explosive diarrhea if I’m in the comfort of my own home

amaryliz

Recently googled an old uni boyfriend and found out he passed away. Really made me sad but I can’t talk to my current boyfriend about it because he’ll want to know how I found out.

When i was at school i used to get tormented in PE lessons because you could see my tiny knob through my mesh gym shorts. 12 years later not much improvement on the size front.

rollingfree

Was out at one of those pop up bars that’s under equipped with toilets. Had a poo come on fast and within seconds became an emergency. Went and squatted by the bins round the corner, in the side alley, just out of view of the kitchen. Laid a fairly clean one and retrousered just as a staff member came round the corner with a bin bag. Pretended I’d just bumped a line to give myself cover and he just nodded and smiled as I moved swiftly passed him. Almost as good feeling as doing an actual line!

BHAIRAVA

I am 5’9 with a 5 inch dick and my twin bro is 6 foot with a 7 inch dick. How is that possible?

bmf454

I often play out fantasies in my head about performing heroic acts like beating up robbers in public, battering paedophiles or recently going to Ukraine and killing a bunch of bad guys and it being seen by everyone on the news. I’m not even particularly tough but I think I have some kind of mental problem.

DOMIQZ

Had a crush on a girl I work with and only took me a year and a half to ask her out on a date. She said no.

MIGHTY SAM

I woke up to my girlfriend playing ALL her Snapchat stories on full blast aka her annoying friends screaming. I asked her politely to take it next door and she basically threw a fit and stormed out. Argued all day about random crap because of this. Lol, girls man.

bout to snap

There’s a new lad at our work who keeps saying the word “vibes.” It’s really unpleasant having to be around him every day and I really want to punch his face in.

CANICHANGETHISLATER

I’m thinking of getting a new job because all the girls at the office have boyfriends and go home to them every night instead of coming out for drinks like we all used to. FML.

yungsparky

My GF had a meltdown because I forgot her mum’s maiden name. We’ve been dating for 3 months? Am I crazy or is she overreacting?

JUST BLUE

I think I have mentally induced erectile dysfunction.

PERFECTPLEX

My neighbour’s daughter is about 16-17 but already really hot. Once she hits 18 I’m hoping for a porno style scenario where she knocks on the door and one thing will lead to another. I need to leave the house more is what I’m realising while typing this.

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[Send your confessions in at [email protected] or on our social media pages – don’t worry, we keep them 100% anonymous! Just send an alias if you want us to use one).

See you next Friday!