Confessions is back! Send your confessions in at [email protected] or DM us on Facebook, Twitter or Instagram. Everything we publish is 100% anonymous – just give an alias you’d like us to use.

Let’s go…

stoourt

A while ago I got Covid and my girlfriend didn’t. She banged on and on about how she must have an amazing immune system. Fast forward to now and she’s got a brutal head cold, loss of taste and smell, headache, cough etc. All I had was the cough! I’m sympathetic of course but can’t wait till she recovers so I can rub it in her face.

angellory

I kept an ex-boyfriend’s jumper for 2 years and would put it on and finger myself to his scent

lasagne

Had a few dates with a girl at uni I really liked. When the moment came, I inexplicably couldn’t get it up, had a mini meltdown over it, and was mentally scarred for years after she told everyone and ghosted me. I’m OK now, but that’s a memory that will haunt me for life.

ronni

When I was 15 me and my mate drank beer with the old hippie man down the street. He let us play with his wife’s tits.

gingerninja

My girlfriend’s family dog died this week. We’re all very sad but that dog was literally the only thing that made visiting my in-laws bearable. I’m gonna miss you Miles.

bustedfc

The other night my girlfriend got home from drinking wine with her girlfriend and I fucked her like a savage through a hole I ripped in her tights the came on her belly button/shirt. The best part is she wants to make this a regular thing

[no name]

When I was young, they were building housing estates near where I lived to extend the town. We used to sneak into the nearly finished houses and leave a shit in the loft. Used to save it all day to make a robust log.

simeone

When I was around 14 one of the hot girls at school left her gym bag open and her bra was right on top of everything. I stuffed it into my bag and took it home where I proceeded to wrap it around my dick and wank to completion. Good times.

Squeejee

There’s a down on his luck (it seems) eastern European man that comes up to my vehicle every time I stop at this particular set of traffic lights and offers to wash my windows before the lights go green. Despite the fact I blatantly ignore him he starts washing my windshield and wiping it down while I meekly protest for him to stop. He then comes round the side and guilt trips me with his eyes about no giving him any money. It’s honestly the worst part of my day

hertssobad

I drank a glass of red wine at the airport bar while the 2 girls next to me were smashing shots. I’m such a pussy

les_newton

Last year I got out of a speeding ticket because the policeman thought my Movember mustache looked funny in my driver’s license photo

laxadaisacal

I’ve had my phone on silent for nearly two years

Darth InVader

When I was younger I got a gift of one of the lightsabers from Star Wars. It’s telescopic and extends to full length. So I decided, whilst I was seriously horny to take the smallest part out, lube it up and proceed to jam it up my ass. Managed to find the sweet spot and while jacking it came absolute buckets. Felt slightly guilty after it. But when I think about it now my dick is diamond hard. May the force be with you.

Trushymctrush

I let someone from Tinder rub baby oil all over my vag and fuck me because he thought it was hot… I had aggressive thrush for two weeks after. It was like Tescos bread isle.

notabadguy

When I was 16 I was at house party where this weirdo from our school had got drunk with us for the first time. He was completely out of it and somehow ended up shirtless on the floor while about 6 boys (including me) took our belts off and whipped him violently for about 20 seconds non stop. It was total carnage but at the time the funniest thing ever. He woke up with welts all over his body and we were legit worried he’d come into school and kill us the next week. He was cool about it in the end though.

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See you next Friday!