Confessions is back! Send your confessions in at [email protected] or DM us on Facebook, Twitter or Instagram. Everything we publish is 100% anonymous – just give an alias you’d like us to use.

Let’s go…

novid

Went to a work event in London this week. We were required to wear masks during various presentations. Then we all got into a windowless room and ate lunch around small tables with our masks off. Someone make it make sense.

Anon

I lost my virginity to a girl who, let’s just say… her face would launch less than a thousand ships.  So I lied to everyone that I was still a virgin for a whole year until I had sex with a decent looking girl at uni.

EmDee

When i was about 9 I went to our local fishing pond to collect loads of frogs. I put them all in takeaway containers and put the lid on at night so they didn’t escape. Takeaway containers are pretty airtight so I woke up in the morning to over 20 suffocated dead frogs.

[no name]

The girl I’m in love with at work has a long-term boyfriend who is superior to me in every way. I know we will never be together but we have a good friendship and she calls me her “work husband”. FML.

[no name]

I once hooked up with a girl and afterwards she literally went ‘well that wasn’t very good’. Crushed my confidence and I haven’t really enjoyed sex since. So thanks for that.

TransGressor

Okay so I was born male and transitioned to female in my 20s so I evidently have to have ‘the talk’ with people that I date before any physical contact so I can avoid getting hate-crimed – but one time, I told a guy I met in a club that I just loved anal – so fucked me in the communal hallway of his apartment building. He still messages. He still doesn’t know.

Drug_free

When I was younger I used to kiss my sister’s barbie on the lips hoping she’d come to life and be my girlfriend.

puree445

Woke up in my own bed after a heavy night to find a hot, but fully-clothed girl curled up sleeping next to me. I had no idea who she was. I got up and went to take a major piss and when I came back she was gone. I never even saw her again. When I asked my friends later they all said they couldn’t remember me meeting/talking to a girl that night. Weird.

Tb303

I spend way too much time listening to music and visualising sports highlights of myself. Usually football but sometimes MMA and boxing. I haven’t played football in years and never had a fight in my life.

[no name]

When I was 11 I faked a sore tummy to get out of going to school – I was dreading a drama skit thing. I ramped up my complaints over the weekend. On Monday my mum kept me off school and took me to the GP, GP sent us straight to the hospital where I had my appendix removed.

chun_li

I took the virginity of the Chinese international student that lived next door to me at uni. She barely spoke English and didn’t seem to particularly enjoy herself. She definitely didn’t cum anyway, not that I gave her much reason to

Tyler Court_N1-6

I filed a complaint with my accommodation master at uni because there’s a security guard who keeps coming to door and chatting to me (I’ve gathered he just wants to perv on the girls that live with me – it’s an all-girl flat except for me). Now I can’t look him in the eye any time I see him on campus.

Is It Just Me

Whenever I start watching a porn from the beginning, I never seem to make it to the part where they actually start having sex.

funkdoc

When I’m on Tinder and I see a hot girl who also comes across as super shallow (duck face etc), I always swipe left. I say to myself “that girl would be so annoying to be around”. Might be true but deep down I know it’s a defence mechanism because I know girls like that would never swipe right on me.

imdisgusting

I was eating my girlfriend’s asshole when I felt something like a little seed enter my mouth. I just ate it and kept on going

boyabouttown

I get irrationally angry when I join the end of a queue and then no ones stands behind me. Feels like I’m the biggest loser in the line.

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See you next Friday!