Confessions is back! Send your confessions in at [email protected] or DM us on Facebook, Twitter or Instagram. Everything we publish is 100% anonymous – just give an alias you’d like us to use.

Let’s go…

jegalo

I drove 45 minutes to meet a girl I’d been talking to for 3 hours on Tinder at her house. She didn’t look like her pics so after literally 1 minute I said I forgot something in the car and drove off with my heart in my mouth, never to be seen again. Her text to me 5 mins later = “dick head”

joblow

I’m fairly certain I have hemorrhoids but am too afraid/disgusted/embarrassed to verify it so I just live with an uncomfortable bumhole.

My confession

I was running up the stairs at my girlfriend’s house and smashed my toe against the stairs, screaming in pain and taking far too long to fully recover. Her dad now thinks I’m the biggest p*ssy on Earth and don’t know what manly act I’m going to have to commit to make it up to him

Hoffer90

I work at a small pub not far from where I live. One day an absolute MILF came in and as I was making her drink she was going on about how great it was to get away from her husband and kids for once. I swear she was coming onto me but I didn’t have the guts to follow through with it so just went and wanked off to her in the toilet instead. Disappointing story, sorry.

[no name]

Not wanting to bother the plasterers who were plastering my stairs, I was desperate for a poo so I went into my garage and shat in a bucket

buscoward

I got started on by a couple of school kids (13 or 14 yrs maybe) on the bus for no reason. I ignored them the whole time but as I left the bus one of them pulled me back from my backpack. That’s when I snapped and turned and yelled at him “what the FUCKS wrong with you?”…. he was not scared at all. People broke us up and I’m glad they did because I think he would have kicked my ass. I’m 25.

deniz

I’ve been depressed for over 10 years.

brownie

Last night after a marathon gaming sesh I considered waking up my GF for sex. Instead I silently wanked off into a tissue as she slept. That’s what you call a considerate boyfriend.

ushersconfession

At a house party when I was 14 I went through someone’s things and stole their iPod. The following school day this person brought their sister’s skinhead boyfriend to school and he ended up headbutting my mate who everyone suspected took the iPod. I kept my mouth shut and still feel kind of guilty about it.

Snake

When I was a horny little kid , I used to hang off doors and stair banisters and basically shag them cus if felt nice on my willy. Similar to climbing a rope in PE that used to get me going to. Luckily I haven’t grown up to be some weird furniture shagging sex pest.

Wet Patch

Was on a date with this girl off Tinder when I went to use the bathroom. I leant against the sink while washing my hands and realised it left a giant wet patch across the front of my crotch, making it look like I pissed myself. I used paper/dryer to dry it up but took way too long before going back out. For some reason I told the girl I took a number 2 instead of just telling the truth or saying I felt ill or something. Obviously didn’t get laid that night

Hooker

I once killed a duck with a fishing rod when i was fishing with my uncle

[no name]

I wish my girlfriend enjoyed doing cowgirl rather than acting like she’s doing me a favour each time

Mr neptune

I’m 29 years old and still dream of becoming a famous footballer one day.

Naj_IV

My dad and I were cleaning out the loft when we came across some old letters between him and my mum which he hadn’t seen in years and years. At the end of the letters my mum would always sign off “say hi to Billy for me”, so naturally I asked my dad who Billy was and he wouldn’t tell me. About a week later it hit me = Billy is the name of my dad’s dick. FUUUUUUCK!

Fairly_regretful

I had sex with a girl who was super charged on coke at my friend’s house party. We went to a bedroom where the lock didn’t work so she picked up the mattress on her own and slammed it against the door to keep everyone out. Then we had sex on the floor. Let’s just say she was definitely the dominant one in that session

troymclure

One day I’m going to pay my parents back for the all money they put into my account not knowing all the shit I spend it on like weed booze and takeaway. I really don’t deserve such awesome parents. 1 more year of getting shitfaced then I’m getting my llife back on track.

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[Send your confessions in at [email protected] or on our social media pages – don’t worry, we keep them 100% anonymous! Just send an alias if you want us to use one).

See you next Friday!