Confessions is back! Send your confessions in at [email protected] or DM us on Facebook, Twitter or Instagram. Everything we publish is 100% anonymous – just give an alias you’d like us to use.

Let’s go…

Angtuff

I have a vague recollection of being dragged out of a club by a bouncer for being drunk and bent over a rail while the bouncer dry humped me from behind. I was so wasted I don’t know how much it is true but I get flashbacks of this guy banging his crotch against my jeans/butt. Not sure what action to take if any. Dude had a ponytail as well

bf4321

My girlfriend thinks she can speak through the walls in our home. When her superpower doesn’t work, she starts shouting and screaming at me to come hear what she has to say. I’ve recently begun ignoring her screaming, and now she has to come where I am and say “why aren’t you listening to me?”. It’s a good system we’ve got going.

naz

I was on holiday with my female cousin and she was a total slag all summer. Chatting up multiple guys on the beach, getting banged on a beach bed at night, flirting with guys for coke, getting fingered on dance floors etc. Maybe I’m just jealous because I’d totally bang her if she wasn’t my cousin.

scott

Dated a girl in college I absolutely loved. She broke my heart. I have crazy, vivid dreams about her at least once a month even though I’ve been married 6 years.

[no name]

Got into a heated debate on Twitter about politics. I looked at the guys profile and noticed he was right into Wordle. I played that day’s game just after midnight, then messaged him the spoiler. Hopefully made his day a bit worse.

metric poet

I have a thing for fat girls with pretty faces.

bdurk15

When I was v young I went to a holiday resort with my family and ended up shitting in the resort swimming pool. Not a big shit, just a little nugget. Small enough that 6 year old me didn’t think anyone would notice. The next day we woke up and the staff were draining the pool and had to spend the rest of the day listening to my family complain about the “parents who let their kids shit in the pool”.

TMN

I am getting emotionally abused by my girlfriend every day and I don’t know what to do anymore. At a wedding she purposely knocked my drink into me then had a go at me in front of everyone for spilling it. She gets a thrill out of putting me down in front of others.

amnezia247

My granddad fell asleep in my brand new £800 leather recliner chair and pissed all over it. I was so annoyed but tried not to show it, I think he realised I was pissed off with him though. It turns out he pissed himself because he had a tumour in his bladder and died 6 weeks later. 

excommunicable

There’s this lad I work with who has 3 different long coats. We have relaxed dress code and wear jeans but he comes in like a 1990s business man every day. Slick backed hair, suit and a coat every single day. He’s only 21 too which makes it even weirder. Nice enough guy, but I’ve got my eye on him.

teebob

My dad’s pretty racist

rumguy

I’m a huge fan of big boobs. I’m really thankful that my girlfriend has nice big boobs. I don’t even think they’re Ds but they’re a good handful and really nice and soft. Not really a confession but just want to give thanks.

Wheredemoneh

10 years ago some street urchins followed me down a side road and swiped my trainers right off my feet while calling me a fassyhole and other unkind terms. I walked home in my socks feeling like the biggest loser ever. I still fantasise about hunting them down and doing some damage, even though it’s probably impossible at this point (filed police report, nothing happened).

Repressed&depressed

I sucked my thumb until I was about 13

hunter t

I would never cheat on my gf but sometimes when I’m out with the guys I chat up birds and soon as I’ve sealed the deal I walk away from the situation. Just to make sure I’ve still got my mojo.

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See you next Friday!