Confessions is back! Send your confessions in at [email protected] or DM us on Facebook, Twitter or Instagram. Everything we publish is 100% anonymous – just give an alias you’d like us to use.

Let’s go…

[no name]

I got a three month pack of contact lens fluid from Boots that was marked down from £23 to £6. Two weeks later an email told me there was a product recall on the fluid as they could not guarantee the sterility. I carefully peeled off the £6 sticker and got a £23 refund.

Resistance

I had sex with a known slag 3 years ago (self confessed slag) who told me she had herpes before we had sex. Guess what? I didn’t get herpes. I live life on the edge!

dickiez

One year at uni I got drunk and conked out at a party. My mates thought it would be funny to write on me with biro pens or whatever. I woke up and ended up walking back to my accommodation by myself. On the way I ran into this girl (average looking) who was weirdly eager to help me home. Anyway she did and ended up scrubbing the pen off my face and neck for me with a sponge. Ended up having rubbish sex with her on my floor.

simplertimes

When i was younger my parents bathroom had a big bath tub with a little 5 inch TV in the wall. Used to sit there in the bath watching Eastenders and wanking off to Kat Slater.

lenosaurus

At uni I had a friend who was a short, fat, lazy slob. He ordered Chinese food so often that the chinese owner called his mobile to personally tell him that their number had changed. Anyway, one day we woke up to him shouting the house down and throwing furniture at the wall. Our housemate and some girl he brought back had raided his leftover Chinese the previous night. We had to call the police because he kept banging his head against a glass door when we tried to calm him down. Really shocked me how one person’s world could revolve around food so much.

bsvrdrv4u

My counter offer for a job in a new field was surprisingly accepted and my boss’s closing sentence was “you’ll now be one of our highest paid workers, so that shows my hopes for you”. I am underqualified for the role and haven’t had a good night’s sleep since. Crippling impostor syndrome.

mr mushroom

Took a piss in the garden while having a cig and I’m pretty sure my milf neighbour saw my penis. She hasn’t looked at or talked to me since so I don’t think she was very impressed.

[no alias]

I go into the toilet at work just so I can pick my nose without anyone seeing

BBBoy

My girlfriend used to let me have sex with her bareback and even cum inside her, now she insists I wear a condom every time because she doesn’t want to be on the pill.  I know it’s awful to say but it’s really getting me down and I resent her for it. She’s changed…

Mylifeisamess

I quit my job 2 weeks ago now but am scared to tell my parents in case they kick me out, instead of being honest I go and sit in my car down the street for hours at a time.

barely2inch

My girlfriend has never seen my flaccid willy and I intend to keep it that way.

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[Send your confessions in at [email protected] or on our social media pages – don’t worry, we keep them 100% anonymous! Just send an alias if you want us to use one).

See you next Friday!