Confessions is back! Send your confessions in at [email protected] or DM us on Facebook, Twitter or Instagram. Everything we publish is 100% anonymous – just give an alias you’d like us to use.

Let’s go…

mbh

My wife’s family just increased their stay at my house for Xmas from 2 nights to 6. My wife acted like this change (which she did not consult me over) is no big deal. 2 days was the max i can pretend to be Mr social in my home. Potential disaster on the cards. Wish me luck!

bullied

When I was young I was picked on and bullied because I was a quiet kid and not athletic. I remember being excluded from a football game once and promising myself there and then that one day I would rub my success in my bullies faces. Well I’m now 27 and work at Waitrose and spend my free time stoned on the sofa and gaming. Things don’t always pan out the way you want. Would you like a bag, sir?

Feistycrab

Sometimes I won’t like my friends pictures on Facebook/Instagram because I’m jealous of how many likes they have.

whowhatwhy

I once kicked the side mirror off a Mercedes that parked so close to me that I couldn’t open my door. I actually had to go to the passenger door and crawl across to get into the drivers seat. Hope they learnt their lesson.

tickboy

Me and my mates did the Crank That Soulja Boy dance for the whole school back in college. We’re all white.

bcjuice

Whenever I’m forced to use self checkout because of queues or understaffing I always steal something

juvenile11

Was having sex with this girl and came in 30 seconds as usual. I kept going because I didn’t want her to think I came too quick and when I finally pulled my limp dick out the condom was gone. Turns out it came off and get lost inside her vagina which she then had to fish out. Haven’t seen or spoken to each other since.

[no name]

As a recording studio engineer, I’ve lost count how many times bands/producers have asked for more of whatever on their track. I just turn a knob that does absolutely nothing until they say “that sounds perfect”. Twats.

bilbo swagginz

I always feel pretty cool when everyone’s waiting on a red light to cross the road and I just walk right past them because there’s obviously no cars coming

[no name]

I go through the racists who react with laughing emojis on migrant news stories on Facebook, find the ones with employers on their profiles and report them. No regrets.

Johnsdad

Once I was very drunk trying to park my car and scraped the car in front of me quite badly. I pulled out took a few turns and parked elsewhere. When I returned to car next morning it turns out I didn’t park far enough because there was a note from the guy on my windshield saying he noticed the paint from his car scraped onto my car and has my details so urges me to get in touch.

pswelly

I’ve cum inside my girlfriend every time we’ve had sex for the last 2 years and she hasn’t got pregnant. I don’t know if I should be happy or concerned that I’m shooting blanks.

Mystery spunker

Whilst on an 8 hour stopover in Bangkok airport I decided to have a tug to elevate boredom. I opted for the disabled toilet for more legroom. When I’d done I flushed the toilet to pretend I’d been in there actually pooing. On my exit there was a man on two crutches giving me evil eye so I did what anyone would do and put on a limp and hobbled away.

extreme introvert

I’m such a hermit that if there was nothing about coronavirus on the news and internet I would barely notice its impact on the world around me.

Stilldontknow

Once, four years ago, I was jerking off in my bedroom. This was a real good one, I mean hunched over grunting good! My brother walks into the room and says “WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!” (Keep in mind he was 10). I screamed at him telling him to get out and go back to bed. He woke up later that day and he asked me about it, I told him I didn’t know what he was talking about and managed to convince him that it was a dream. I still don’t know if he believed me cause he always seemed unsure.

thejudge

After reading a confession the other week where someone faked covid to avoid family obligations I’m planning to do the same over christmas so i can watch the football from boxing day uninterrupted. Cheers for the idea whoever u are 🙂

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[Send your confessions in at [email protected] or on our social media pages – don’t worry, we keep them 100% anonymous! Just send an alias if you want us to use one).

Merry Christmas, everyone! See you next Friday!