The best way to clear your conscience before the weekend is to admit what you did via our anonymous Sick Chirpse confessions box – every week we’ll be posting our favourite ones.

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ufarkinronald

I came inside a French girl on a school trip a few years back. She didn’t know my full name and we never spoke again, but I actually think it’s pretty cool I might have a bastard child in France somewhere

pedrino82

Yesterday I left my house to go to work and my neighbour was getting a pizza delivered at like 830am. I’ve never been more jealous of anyone in my life.

HodjiCha

I have a shit commission paid job where I knock on doors at all hours trying to get people to donate to charity. I was led to believe that I’d run my own sales company within 18 months and I’d be earning good money and employing fit girls by choice. Really all I do is work 12 hour days 6 days a week for the same money people get in a supermarket or cafe. I was genuinely taken in by brainwashing slogans and promises of wealth and free training. I hate myself and my friends all know I’m a sucker but I’m now addicted to cocaine and hanging out with the fit recruitment girls that I know I’ll never have a chance with, but I’m just too ashamed to get a real job and prove my friends right. I’ll just keep telling everyone I’m earning more than them. I miss my social life and people who are actually human beings.

simeone

When I was around 14 one of the hot girls at school left her gym bag open and her bra was right on top of everything. I stuffed it into my bag and took it home where I proceeded to wrap it around my dick and wank to completion. Good times.

laxadaisacal

I’ve had my phone on silent for nearly two years

shackalack

I’ve been watching a lot of BBW porn lately as I try to decide whether I’m attracted to the size 16 girl at work. She’s got a cute face and massive tits but it’s the gunt that worries me. I’ll keep you posted

Nighttimelover

One night I was super horny and my boyfriend was sleeping next to me. I leaned over and got him going then jumped on and rode him like no tomorrow. He was very into it, bucking me over and over again but he still had his eyes closed and was quieter than normal. When I’d come he just sort of hugged me and rolled over onto his side so we both just fell asleep.

In the morning, when I asked why he hadn’t finished he didn’t remember and had no idea what I was going on about.

I basically raped him….

mancmanian11

Every time my Slovenian housemate talks to his family on the phone in his language I have to leave the room or else I get a headache

waarriorscall

When I was 16 I worked in a takeaway and one night got chatting to this hot slut who lived out of town, 12 miles away to be precise. I didn’t have a license at the time but I would pedal my bike for 12 miles there and back most days as we progressed from kissing and touching to BJ and fingering and sex. She was a smoker and had nasty breath but her body was amazing. Never forget those long bike rides listening to tunes on the way there

gamgam

I haven’t masturbated in 3 days now and I’m beginning to worry about myself. Extremely out of character.

colkerelle

The way cum changes form in the shower really blows my mind. It doesn’t wash off, it just turns into Spiderman’s Web and goes everywhere

kingzley

My girlfriend’s dad has a rose tattoo on his arm which I always found a bit weird as he doesn’t seem the type. The other day we had some drinks and he told me it actually covers up his previous tattoo which was a naked lady he got when he was a teen. If you look closely you can still see her tits through the ink. I feel we really bonded with that talk

glostick

My friends surprised me with a stripper at my uni halls on my birthday. I ended up sticking my tongue inside her arsehole, before puking everywhere and having to call it a night early

onaroll

At Halloween me and my then-girlfriend had agreed to go in His and Hers SWAT team gear so we purchased the costumes 3 week early ready to go. Unfortunately she dumped me in those 3 weeks, but anyway the party comes and I’m too lazy to find anything new so I wear my SWAT gear. She shows up and is dressed as something totally different.She sees me in our original costume and starts getting emotional and saying she misses me but I wasn’t having any of it. Long story short I end up hooking up with a girl she hates in front of her and it felt so good having my heartless ex watching and wanting me back. Have a good weekend everyone!

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[Note – the Confessions box appears to be broken, send your confessions in at [email protected] or at the Facebook page – don’t worry, we keep them 100% anonymous).

See you next Friday!