Sick Chirpse Reader Confessions #241

The best way to clear your conscience before the weekend is to admit what you did via our anonymous Sick Chirpse confessions box – every week we’ll be posting our favourite ones.

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mr sharp

The best part of my day is taking a massive shit in this hidden bathroom I found on an empty floor in my office building. I take my time, read my phone, sometimes have a wank, etc. Afterwards I feel refreshed and ready to face the rest of my day. I feel a bit guilty not telling my colleagues about his hidden paradise, but if other people start using it, it’s specialness will be ruined for good.

blubber

I’ve put on a solid 15kg since covid started. At first I thought it would be easy to lose once the gyms opened. Now I’m not so sure.

[no name]

I’m a teacher, early primary. This week a kid took a shit on the floor in the toilets and the smell was so bad as my class walked past my autistic kid threw up on another teacher. I told his mum and she said yeah, he has a sensitive gag reflex.

rightstick

I wish my girlfriend had fitter friends so I wouldn’t have to avoid the question of why they’re always single and why I don’t introduce them to my friends. And so I could jerk off to them.

doink

I used to have this red hand towel that I used to clean up with after having a wank. I hid it in the bottom drawer of my desk. It was covered in cum stains. One day I came home to discover it had been washed by my mum and neatly folded on my bed. We never spoke about it.

Carlos Pizza

I once weed in a glass and gave it to my babysitter, told her it was cider. I don’t know if she drank it.

marga man

My mates got into a fight with this group of pricks in a nightclub once and I was so scared of getting battered (never hit anyone in me life) that I hid from the action until it was over. Once it all died down and we regrouped I had to pretend like I was panting from exerting so much energy and was inspecting my knuckles like I’d just caused some serious damage.

I suck

I feel like my boyfriend of 5 years is friend zoning me, he high fived me the other day after I gave him a blowjob….. What the fuck it that!!

Zary90

Not my story but the masseuse/handjob girl I go to sometimes told me that some guy pays her to wank him off and then he drinks his own jizz from her hands. Disgusting.

ash_lee_Manx

An Albanian kid stole my girlfriend and now I’m genuinely racist towards all Albanians

broken.egg

im 35 and have no idea what im doing in life, i live alone and have no friends. shit job and always skint. is there a reason to carry on this pointless process?

Endless_cake

I get so confused when people refer to time periods like the 18^th century or like the 20^th century. Just say “1800s” or “1900s” for fucks sake

Vados locos

My GP refused to refer me to a therapist because the only reason I want to see one is to help me get over my fear of having anal sex. The truth is I feel like there’s something wrong with me though cos all my mates eat and have sex with their girlfriend’s buttholes. He said I should consult a hypnotist if it was that important to me.