The best way to clear your conscience before the weekend is to admit what you did via our anonymous Sick Chirpse confessions box – every week we’ll be posting our favourite ones.

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oyvey69

I got Covid a few weeks back. Moderate symptoms but the loss of taste and smell is no joke. I couldn’t smell my own shit after taking a massive dump. Still don’t have them back but also haven’t felt like eating any snacks or bad foods because of it and have lost a few kilo. So I guess it’s not all bad.

marino

A girl once called me gay because I had a croissant for breakfast. It was a bit gay now that I think about it.

Biscuit

I get nervous around black people

funkdoc

When I’m on Tinder and I see a hot girl who also comes across as super shallow (duck face etc), I always swipe left. I say to myself “that girl would be so annoying to be around”. Might be true but deep down I know it’s a defence mechanism because I know girls like that would never swipe right on me

Stinky fingers

Once I was at a festival waiting in the car park for my lift home and I needed a poo so bad, I ran to the nearest hedge and took a runny dump. I had nothing to wipe my ass with apart from nature’s leaves, I ripped a leaf off and just as I was about to wipe my hand went into my poop so I just ended up wiping my ass with my hand.

morose123

I hate my step dad

NoPussyForMeThanks

My girlfriend really wants to get a cat but I can’t stand the fuckers. So I lied and told her that I’m allergic to them to put her off the idea of getting one.

The problem is we both have multiple friends and family members who have cats. So when we go over to their homes, I have to fake sneeze all the time pretend that I’m having trouble breathing because of “all the cat hair”.

How long will I have to keep up this oscar worthy performance for?

iamthick

Me and my girlfriend had been together 5 years. The last 18 of which have been long distance. 6 weeks of living together we’re about to break up. Can’t believe I moved to Wales for this.

Work porn

I was so horny at work once I used the work WiFi not realising the administration team can see what websites colleagues use, I overheard them talking about someone who was on a porn site shortly after I just finished masturbating in the bathroom.

lerxstpratt

Sometimes when I think have to shit I go sit down on the toilet and end up just pissing instead and honestly it feels quite nice

bonzai

I made a sex tape with an ex back in uni. Afterwards she said she felt uncomfortable with one part and asked if I could delete it and we’d make a better one next time. Well I did delete it because I’m a nice guy… and there was no next time! FML!

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Leave your confession(s) for next week in our submission box HERE.

See you next Friday!