The best way to clear your conscience before the weekend is to admit what you did via our anonymous Sick Chirpse confessions box – every week we’ll be posting our favourite ones.

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brazil nuts

There was a golf course in the field behind my house where I grew up. Sometimes me and my buddies would go out there and get drunk and shit inside the holes.

madillac

Should I fuck a GILF? Small, blonde estate agent I work with. Funny old minx probably 35-40 years older than me. She has a twinkle in her eye like she wants to fuck but I’m scared of what she might look like naked and by then it will be too late. Might let her give me a blow job instead.

pikawoo

My girlfriend’s new car (Subaru) has an app where you can track the location of the car on a map. I’ve been using it alot when I get home before her so I know how much time I have to watch porn. We have it so easy these days…

keepit100

I watch chubby girl porn because it’s more realistic to what I get

dagnynotts

One night I did really good mdma with a tequila girl in a club after she split it with me. After a few hours of intense dancing she ended up coming back to my place because I lived right near the club. She took complete control and we banged all night rolling on mdma the whole time. It was singlehandedly the greatest sexual experience (and maybe night) of my entire life.

00000000

My girlfriend’s mum will be sleeping on an air mattress outside our bedroom for a full week starting tonight. Wish me luck guys.

scotch crotch

I legitimately woke up in a meeting once when I heard my boss’s voice say “is everyone sleeping back there?” I don’t think he actually thought anyone was sleeping

fulton

I moved across country for a job/long term gf. Lost both the gf and the job as the pandemic hit. Now I think I’m clinically depressed. Have barely any friends or support structure in the new city, and have recently started getting panic attacks. The real world is tough.

dannys water

My dad used to be a clown. Like an actual clown in the circus.

Gilf_hunter

My girlfriend was going on a business trip to Egypt and had to get a COVID test done. It came back negative but they screwed up her Date of birth on the customs paperwork making her ten years older.

Anyways, the night before she left I banged her brains out- mega goodbye sex. In the morning I accompanied her to the airport.

After dropping her off I sent her a text saying “Can’t believe I fucked a granny last night’’

However, I didn’t send it to her… instead like the total dipshit I am, I sent it on her family whatsapp group that her Mum and Dad use to speak to us.

Didn’t realise for hours, they deffo saw it. Fucking died inside….. cringe.

sovereignboss

My 18 yr old brother fucked my girlfriend when I was a 21. Talk about being cuckolded. I’m glad they both spent the following 5 years in and out of rehab.

fatanduseless

Watched a video on pornhub where the woman amd her friend are dressed up as sexy deer, get railed by the step brother hunter anyway at the end she goes ‘oh dear’ and now I can’t hear the phrase without literally blowing a load including when muttered by the 50 something year old woman i share an office with. Honestly wonder if this is going to be a life long problem going forward.

mateusz

I’m sick of everyone

coldebt

When I was a teen my mate told me that he had a brother that died. It kind of shaped the way I thought about him and I figured it was the reason his parents were messed up. A couple months ago we were watching the game and I finally asked him what was the name of his brother who died. He just looked at me and started laughing for about 2 mins non stop before saying he had made it up. Arsehole.

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Leave your confession(s) for next week in our submission box HERE.

See you next Friday!