The best way to clear your conscience before the weekend is to admit what you did via our anonymous Sick Chirpse confessions box – every week we’ll be posting our favourite ones.

–

Pierre Le Cochon

I fell asleep on the bus last night. Woke up lock in the bus depo at 5.30am. Called 999 and waited for the police to come get me out. Went back to sleep until 7.30 when the driver started work. Not sure if the police came or not. I had a great sleep and the depo was next to a blinding cafe. Win.

tweeti

I realised how shockingly sexist I am the other day when I was surprised that the female hairdresser managed to cut my hair the way I wanted. Deep down I really believed that only men could cut men’s hair properly. Time to reassess my whole belief system I think

FALunderbarrel

My girlfriend only lets me play Warzone for 2 hours every night. My mates play as long as they want and their girlfriends suffer in the background and deal with it. Am I a good boyfriend or just a sucker?

Roly Poly

My dog tried to hump my leg for the first time in 7 years and now I’m panicked that I’ve developed a “soft” presence

Shameless cock sucker

I’m a 66 year old man, and I purposely got caught by my 93 year old mother giving a man a blow job.

swat

I have masturbated to completion in over 20 countries around the world.

—–

Leave your confession(s) for next week in our submission box HERE.

See you next Friday!