Sick Chirpse Reader Confessions #198

The best way to clear your conscience before the weekend is to admit what you did via our anonymous Sick Chirpse confessions box – every week we’ll be posting our favourite ones.

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Fdor1031

My girlfriend has a male friend who whatsapps and FB messages her all the time. She’s known him since 1st year of uni, they were in the same engineering module (my girlfriend is a huge engineering nerd). He’s an awkward Chinese kid who blatantly has a crush on her. My girlfriend deals with it as obviously they hang out in the same circle of nerd friends. I’m not intimidated by the guy, but it’s kinda weird dating the girl of his dreams. I feel like the villain who’s with the girl at the beginning of a romcom and then the beta male steals her away. Except this isn’t a movie MIKEY

lockdownlarry

I literally haven’t touched another human being since March.

Somedude

Sadly I could not find a way to change this hot girl’s flat tire when she called me over for help in the car park. She was giving me the fuck me please eyes the whole time too until I couldn’t get the bolts off because there was no wrench. I went home put a universal wrench in my car and can now replace a tire faster than a grand prix pit crew if the situation rises again.

Nervous Nelly

My boyfriend brought his best friend over so we could have a threesome because I lied and told him I wanted to try it. But I got to nervous picked a fight with my boyfriend now I’m hiding in the car…. I think it’s going well.

prab_wmit

Ive noticed a few people slagging timw_brap off a few times in the confessions. I know the guy, he is a lot safer than you all seem to think even if most of the sick chirpse content is just taken from reddit

JeezLouise

I have started to wank off over tranny porn for the first time in my life. I’m 35 and due to get married next year.

Puntsnroses

I got a handjob from my best friend’s girlfriend. She told me afterwards I have the smallest dick she’s ever seen. And she is a total slag.

wokemelon

When there is dried poo in the toilet bowl I use my dick as a pressure washer and try and clean up the sides.

Fckinell

My girlfriend broke up with me 11 months ago and it still kills

Jchampz

Everyone once in a while, I panic, and check my pockets for my keys. Only to realise I’m driving my car

Janneycraig

I recently confessed to my 25 year old boyfriend who I just started dating that I’m not actually turning 22 in August, I’m turning 19. I thought he’d be upset and possibly never talk to me again. He did not care at all.

[no name]

I recently made an account on pornhub to keep better track of my go to vids when I’m in a bind for time

Ocktopus

Been hooking up with a hippy stoner guy who is annoyingly passive and calls me dude and man and describes everything as chill. Kind of annoying but he’s OK looking and gets me high all the time so I’m gonna bang him for as long as I can put up with his nonsense.

cynicalcanterburian

I trim my beard and pubes with the same trimmer

The Patio

I’m in the military and I was deployed to Senegal. I was at a bar one evening and this prostitute named Mimi propositioned me. We negotiated at price and she took me to her place. When we got there, we first went to an upstairs apartment where this guy was sitting on the floor with a velvet bag in his lap. He opened the bag and he pulled out a dreamcatcher. She told me that is her brother and he makes them. I was like okay this is weird. I nailed her bedroom downstairs and then she showed me pictures of her daughter. It was a bizarre experience.