Sick Chirpse Reader Confessions #194

The best way to clear your conscience before the weekend is to admit what you did via our anonymous Sick Chirpse confessions box – every week we’ll be posting our favourite ones.

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bmxboy

Back in the day I tried to get my mum to buy me BMX XXX on PS2 because I knew there was a cheat code you could put in and get a 60 second clip of a topless girls dancing. So we went to shop and took it to the counter. The guy asks my mum if she’s OK with me playing it because it’s rated for mature audiences. My mum says yeah it’s fine but then he proceeds to tell her it’s more graphic than other adult games and has full on nudity. I’m sitting there looking at this prick like are you serious mate? It was 2002 and I just discovered wanking. Fuck that guy.

mrmerry

My girlfriend of 2 years has started shutting her eyes whenever we have sex. I wonder who she’s thinking about.

Monogamysucks

I fucked my best friends married brother. I have a boyfriend. Absolutely zero regrets.

wavy boy

One night at uni I took shrooms for the first time. Ended up ridiculously hyped and jumped over the couch onto a bean bag. Slammed my balls so hard I thought I broke one. Went to the bathroom and one ball started changing colours. Immediately raced downstairs and told my housemates I broke my balls. What occurred next was a mass hysteria over whether we should call an ambulance. I somehow ended up in the laundry room drinking gallons of water and pissing what I thought was green fluid into a casserole dish. Never again lads, never again.

bloodwing

Yesterday I had a wank and thought it all went into the toilet. Well I guess a little bit went on the wall because my flatmate (female) went to spring clean the bathroom and asked if someone had spat on the wall. I lol’d.

black_saske

I ate KFC at the Madrid airport before a trip to Ibiza back at uni. Spent the next 3 days shitting my pants and hunched over the toilet while my mates all had the time of their lives. Never again.

NoThanks

I once told a fat bird I was gay to get out of shagging her. I was already knuckle deep in her when I realised that I wasn’t gonna be able to do it.

siko

I’ve read every article and confession on this site since my friend showed it to me around 6 years ago and I wish I could do it again. Sometimes I stay off for a whole week so I have a good hour of sickchirpse to come back to. I should have less time on my hands.

jackuppercut

When I was 19 I let a fat drunk lady in her 50s suck me off in the pub toilet. She had serious skills!

yellow fish

I started seeing a girl who I really like. She’s cool, cute, funny and likes to cook. Only problem is she had surgery on her tailbone and has a massive scar on her butt that’s pretty offputting. Big turnoff when I’m banging her doggy. Not a deal breaker but it does make me wince.

elliott

I last less than a minute at sex even when I’m wearing a condom. What gives?

gideon stargrave

Someone is reading this on the toilet right now. I just want to wish you a happy pooping!

Speedy12

I made a terrible decision at 4am while drunk walking home telling a group of homeless people to “sort your lives out you homeless fucks”. They chased me all over Canterbury and then kicked the shit out of me, ripped up my jacket and one even pissed on me a little bit. Definitely the lowest point of my life

godsplan

I can’t stand Drake but for some reason I can’t stop playing his music. I’m so conflicted.

jimmydgaf

I got made redundant shortly before coronavirus hit. Not because of tough times or anything, the new boss just wanted to give my position to his friend’s son. Little does anyone know that our data backup only covers 72 hours and I corrupted a bunch of files that’s basically gonna fuck up the whole department and give them an extra few weeks worth of work. Fuck em.