The best way to clear your conscience before the weekend is to admit what you did via our anonymous Sick Chirpse confessions box – every week we’ll be posting our favourite ones.

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i see you

If somebody is heavily angled away from people at the urinal I automatically assume they are hiding their little dick

my pity party

I’m going to wank and drink alone all weekend instead of trying to be social and meet people.

drvon

Super busy day at work this week, little time for lunch. Ended up eating lunch while sitting on the toilet taking a shit. Odd feeling, but not too bad of a way to multitask. Would recommend if short on time.

ancient mariner

I’ve never watched a Jackie Chan film

nrcode

I still live with my brother because if I left him with his gf and her neglected dog, I think my brother and the dog would kill themselves

tommybravo

Got home from work last night, cleaned up, hit my local club and groped a few women. Walked up to this girl and just started kissing her. They all loved it! Not being funny but being good looking is the greatest asset and privilege of them all. 

ryanthedreem

I hate my gf. But I also hated my ex gf even worse and kind of regretted breaking up. So I stay with her for fear of regret.

thc caviar

I’m pretty afraid of spiders, not to the point where I run away if I see one but they’re basically everywhere and the creepy crawly little bastards just make me uncomfortable. Just moved into my own place about four months ago and I’ve had an influx of them recently, one of which I saw crawling on the wall above my bed via the light reflecting off my phone. When I tried to grab it, it fell off the wall and crawled under my bed which then forced me to flip the mattress and frame while trying to find it at  midnight on a Tuesday. I didn’t find it, had probably the worst five hours of sleep in my entire life and was a complete waste of space the next day. I still think the little bastard is hiding somewhere, plotting my downfall. Hate spiders, HATE them.

bojsihecat

I’m “friends” with more porn stars on snapchat than people I actually know.

fvcksake

Got Internet shamed for sending a girl a “sup” on social media. Apparently I’m an example of toxic masculinity.

coronashouldbefordrinkin

I work for a luxury fashion retailer and as a result we get a LOT of Chinese customers. Since the Coronavirus outbreak my individual sales have dropped because I spend more of my day trying to avoid Chinese customers than doing anything else.

josephd6

I thought you spelt hamster, hampster before Internet porn.

flightless penguin

Been in a dry spell for 4 months now. Brought home some girl from the bar, nothing special solid 6 little chubby, a streak breaker. We get back to her place, start kissing. I go down on her to warm her up a bit, after 20 minutes she starts shaking and cumming. Cool, now we’re good to go, right? WRONG! She falls asleep almost immediately after and leaves me with blue balls. The streak is still alive.

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Leave your confession(s) for next week in our submission box HERE.

See you next Friday!