The best way to clear your conscience before the weekend is to admit what you did via our anonymous Sick Chirpse confessions box – every week we’ll be posting our favourite ones.

Here are the best from this week:

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Fml420

If I don’t keep my pubes trimmed my penis virtually disappears

I was jay

At end of term one year when I was in school me and my mates did a 5ive tribute act and not gonna lie, we brought the motherfuckin house down. Miss those days.

Special K

I went to my friends birthday a couple of years back and we ended up going back to his yard and having a few lines of special. I was very aware early on that I needed quite a large shit, and whilst the ceiling was falling I proceeded to crawl to the toilet a few floors down. After What I thought was five minutes I get a banging at the door asking if I was okay because I’d been in there for more than an hour. Turns out I’d stripped naked and taken a snapchat video of myself shitting, which i’d then sent to a chick I’d gone on a date with a couple of days before. Haven’t heard anything from her since in spite of my incessant texting… still optimistic though.

Cortez45

When people call me “boss”, “chief”, “pal”, “buddy” it really pisses me off and I’m not sure why.

BEEN-A-DICK-T CUM-BEER-BITCH

I don’t know whether I genuinely don’t care about anything or whether it’s just because i grew up in the late 90s & early 00s when not caring was cool & my brain had some sort of nonchalant ambivalent dickbrain as it’s internal ‘role model’.

mcpipperson

I don’t even enjoy sex that much, I just need to cum

baldy

One month ago my long term girlfriend broke up with me. I don’t think I am over it in the slightest in fact I seem to be struggling more this week. I haven’t been anywhere except to work and to buy food. I don’t want to see my friends because I still haven’t told them. I’ve stopped working out or eating properly. I’ve lost weight. I’m not much of a drinker so I just sit on my couch every night getting stoned and watching shit TV because watching anything good (Breaking Bad, Simpsons, Walking Dead) just reminds me of her because we always watched them together). I can’t understand how someone I was planning to marry could just decide one day she’s had enough of me. This isn’t a cry for help or anything, I would never think like that, but I’m just so depressed right now and can’t break out of it

Submit your confession(s) for next week HERE

Well done guys and gals – you’ve done us proud. Well, maybe not proud. But thanks for submitting and if your confession didn’t feature, don’t sweat it – just submit a better one next time.

Get involved and submit your confession(s) HERE – see you next week.