The best way to clear your conscience before the weekend is to admit what you did via our anonymous Sick Chirpse confessions box – every week we’ll be posting our favourite ones.

Here are the best from this week:

[no name]

That Greta Thunberg girl really pisses me off. All for fighting climate change and being environmentally conscious but they couldn’t have chosen a cringier person to be the “face” of the movement. Send her back to school.

thenextmm

I listen to Return of the Mac every morning and first thing when I get back from work

Thephantompooper

Shit myself in the pub. Asked a biker friend for a knife. Pitch black standing next to a train station car park. Cut me boxer legs at the front on both sides. Pulled them off. Headlights turn on behind me and car honks. Turn around. Shit stained pants in one hand, Knife in the other. Panic. Threw my pants at the car and ran.

fed up

My boyfriend and I rarely have penetrative sex anymore because all he wants is to suck my tit while I wank him off.

woke ass fuck

Transgenderism has been gradually becoming more socially accepted over the last few years. Alrite, cool. but the absolute worst thing about Transgenderism becoming more socially accepted is that now it takes me ages to find a porn video where the guy acts suprised when the tranny gets their dick out. Its just never as satisying when the guy is into it straight off the bat, it completely loses the magic for me.

Tk

Every time i see someone drinking on TV i get a massive urge to have a drink as well. I’m sure this means I’m an alcoholic.

Louvega

I was flying out from Sydney to London last Friday around noon. Jump on the plane, fall asleep during takeoff, roughly 30 minutes later wake up mid wet dream. I don’t think anyone noticed but cumming myself 30,000 in the air in my sleep was a pretty low moment.

[no name]

Not even the fake bot accounts on Tinder swipe right on me

clean bhole

For the last couple years in the shower I’ve been leaning against the wall with one hand and pulling my butt cheek apart with the other hand as I lean forward so the shower stream hits me perfectly in the butt hole. No homo it feels amazing.

not my name

Dated a girl a few years back. The breakup was bad for both of us. Then I found out she got pregnant by a random guy a couple months later and instantly felt better about the whole thing.

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Well done guys and gals – you’ve done us proud. Well, maybe not proud. But thanks for submitting and if your confession didn’t feature, don’t sweat it – just submit a better one next time.

Get involved and submit your confession(s) HERE – see you next week.